


Call Me Princess

by httplarrie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Crossdressing, Fluff, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Panty Kink, Panty Play, Princess Harry, Top Louis, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:46:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 29,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httplarrie/pseuds/httplarrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One where tatted and pierced up Louis stumbles upon a strange boy who likes pink sweaters and pretty flower crowns. He sort of changes his life, and Louis can't help but be sort of grateful. </p><p>Filled with giggles, and tears, and new discoveries; A story of first loves, and terrifying beginnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where The Word Strange Fit Well

**Author's Note:**

> Harry is not transgender. He does not want to be a girl. Just because he likes soft things and make up and other things society thinks is only 'reserved' for girls does not mean he is not content with his gender.

Louis felt a slight nudge to his ribcage, it obviously wanting to rip Louis' attention away from the girls he so 'subtly' tried to flirt with- they barely even paid attention- but because he was Louis, he ignored it and continued his flirtatious acts.

It was as if, though, his tanner friend didn't want to stop bothering him, which sort of annoyed him. And by sort of, he meant a lot—Zayn wouldn't stop poking him, his elbow digging in between the spaces of the boy's ribs, and, yeah, it didn't hurt (even though it had the potential of doing so) but Louis groaned nonetheless and stepped away so the raven haired man could stop.

"Mate, you're acting like a clingy girlfriend." Louis stated, a frown hovering over his eyes before quickly going back to winking at one of the many blondes from the group of ladies a few blocks down.

(At least he thought it was the same one. They were all blonde and all had the same surgery-made faces, so pardon him)

Zayn sighed dramatically. "When we decided to date, you said you'd treat me right," He shook his head as he blew out a puff of smoke. "I trusted you, Louis, gave my heart to you and this is how you-"

"Est tu fini avec ton cinéma? Parce que moi, oui." Louis didn't even let him finish, stealing the stick of cigarette from his friend's fingers and putting it between his own lips— much to the lad's protest.

"How many times do I have tell you to stop speaking gibberish to me. We are in _En_ gland, therefore, we speak _En_ glish." Zayn emphasized, trying to snatch the cigarette at every emphasis of 'eng' but Louis just moving away whenever.

Louis smiled when his friend surrendered, simply reaching into his pocket for a new cigarette from his pack, lighting it up.

The smaller lad raised a foot up on the wall of the tattoo shop, something his boss would shout at him for doing if he ever got caught, because it was "Damage to property, and I could fire you, Louis! I'll fire you one day." And all Louis would do was roll his eyes.

"It's not gibberish, it's French, and I speak it to you, because I love seeing the dumb look you always have on your face get worse. It's funny, truly, makes my day." Louis poked fun lightly, chuckling at how Zayn's dumb look on his face changed to an offended one. 

"Anyway, what was so important that you had to stop my amazing flirting?"

At that, Zayn scoffed almost too loudly, flicking some of the grey ash from his cigarette onto the ground, and kicking it with the end of his shoe. "Amazing?" He laughed. "If you think making kissy noises and opening and closing your left eye is 'flirting' then you have a lot to learn my tiny friend." Zayn patted his shoulder, not noticing the daggers Louis was sending him.

"Your tiny friend will shove a broom up your virgin ass, so far up it'll come out of your-"

"Too much, don't scar me, please. I am just a child." Zayn made a face at Louis' very graphic threat, shaking the image out of his head and shivering. "Anyway, look who just came around again."

At first, Louis had absolutely no idea who Zayn was pointing at because there were so many people walking to and fro on this busy Monday evening, scurrying to get back home or to work. Louis was lost for a moment, just roaming his eyes over the street, but when he saw the bright pink button up, he knew exactly who it was. 

Nobody could miss that colour that almost blinded you if you stared directly at it, or that bouquet of flower he always had in his hand, petals slowly falling and hitting the ground every time someone bumped into him. 

Dammit, Harry was just so hard to miss.

"Ugh." Was the first thing Louis muttered, 'cause, 'Ugh' was the only answer Louis could give that fit what he felt when he laid eyes on the lad. 'Ew' would fit too. Or maybe 'Ugh, ew'. 

Louis wasn't quiet familiar with Harry. They talked to each other before, short conversations he had no recollection of, but that was it. The only reason he even knew his name was because of the conversations Zayn's had with him.  
Short one's, like Louis', where the boy would try and initiate it but quickly get shut down. 

Louis remembered when Zayn told him of the time Harry, shyly at that, walked up to him and asked for Louis' name. Louis wasn't sure if it was an attempt at flirting, or he was just genuinely curious. (It was probably the former, not to be cocky) Zayn never let Louis live that day down, and even now, sometimes, he'd bring it up, just to tease him. Because he was a good friend like that. _Oh, here comes your boyfriend, Louis. What was his name? Harry Tomlinson?_ Louis despised Zayn for at least a week, then.

"Isn't it the lad who couldn't figure out whether he was a lad or a lassie?" Zayn shamelessly made fun, and even though they both knew God was most definitely shaking His head at them, they both laughed, taking drags of their cancer sticks.

"Did you notice all his blouses were girl blouses?" Louis pointed out, frowning slightly just at the thought of this boy in their conversation. 

"You went from a tattoo expert to a blouse expert? When did you graduate?" Zayn cocked an eyebrow up, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards.

"No, but you can just see. It's all in the buttons, Z." he responded, not losing sight of Harry through the crowd- which was kind of creepy when he thought about it. Zayn hummed in returned.

"Strange child." Zayn shook his head at the boy they were talking about who was giving out flowers to the most random of people. 

He always did that.

Harry did it every time they had a break and stood out the tattoo shop, as if he knew every time that they would be there. He'd just lean by the wall, and give street passers a rose, telling them something Louis never heard.

Why he did it? No one ever knew, but no one stopped him, either. (Louis wanted to, because he always said 'He's going to make us lose the bad boy feel of the shop. Who gives away flowers in front of a shop where people with the worst reputations visit?' but Zayn stopped him saying anything)

"Strange?"

"Strange." Zayn nodded.

"Maybe strange will be our okay." Louis finished, laughing slightly at his own, stupid joke as he checked his phone.

**12:45PM**

They had 15 minutes left of break and they hadn't even eaten yet. He huffed. Maybe they could swing 'round McDo for a snack. He was craving their diabetes-fries, anyway.

"Always."

"Huh?" Louis was snapped out of his thoughts, looking up at Zayn once again.

"It's 'Maybe strange will be our always', not okay. Amateur." He corrected, shaking his head as he threw his cigarette to the ground, stepping on it to light it out. 

"Sorry, I didn't watch The Fault in Our Mozzarella. When it comes to cheese, I like it on my pizza." He responded, not seeming to be able take his eyes off the boy they were once talking about.

He was smiling, giving out his flowers to complete strangers, even chuckling at whatever the people would tell him, eyes bright and big.

Louis hated how happy he always seemed to be. Nobody could be that smiley all the time, it wasn't possible, but the curly haired boy seemed to do a hell of a great job at just that. His happiness, that oozed out of every pore of his being, leaked down onto the ground in a pink puddle and was irritating to no end for Louis. For some reason.

"Watch this," Louis said, patting Zayn's chest with the back of his hand and pushing his body off the tattoo shop wall, throwing the cigarette in the bin next to them without lighting it out. (Fire hazard, much?)

Louis walked over to Harry slowly, hands in his pocket, all cool and collected. He stepped in front of the taller lad, and looked at him as he seemed to have turned into a frozen statue, completely paralyzed in front of Louis. 

Louis looked at Harry and Harry looked at Louis, neither of them saying anything for a moment. 

Until Louis broke that moment. 

"So, why aren't you giving me and my friend one of those roses? What, aren't we worthy enough for the great Harry?" he pointed at the emptying bouquet, his hands digging back into the pockets of his leather jacket. 

He could see Harry struggle to get words out, making Louis sink his teeth into his bottom lip.

"Um- n-no- you-" 

"Could- you- talk- properly?" Louis copied his stuttering, seeing the lad flinch, but only feeling a little guilty. Just a little. "You seem very closed off, you need to talk to people. Make some friends. It sucks being a friendless loser." He said and Harry flinched again and maybe then, Louis felt a little more guilty.

Harry didn't reply, only looked down at his boots like he always seemed to do when talking to Louis.

However, before Louis could add anything else, the long haired boy was already walking past him, head ducked low and bouquet left down on the ground to be stepped on by careless people.

(As Harry left, maybe Louis did see the smile that once tore his face curve downwards, a frown on the boy's features, and maybe, this time, guilt oozed out of _his_ pores and leaked down onto the pavement in the ugliest color, and maybe he almost stopped Harry to apologize, because the ugly color was getting everywhere, but he didn't)

Louis lit another cigarette and shook his head as he watched him go. "Strange." Was what he said to himself, before he returned to Zayn, who was already leading the way to the fast food place.


	2. The One Where He Didn't Like The New Kid

 

"I didn't even know this job required this much information from me.

But, yeah. I'd just like a part time job, something to help pay off my student loans. I'm almost through with my second year, and I'm neck deep in debt. It really is hell. I digress–"

Halfway through, Louis was already zoning out, whatever the lad was saying going into one ear, and out the next. There was a point in the interview where he actually nodded off, his head slipping off the hand it was resting on. He didn't try to cover it up, though, just blinked a couple times, then yawned, then continued his drawing of a two headed walrus on the clipboard where he was supposed to be writing information. (He didn't write anything)  
When the lad remained silent for a good minute, Louis looked up and raised an eyebrow high. "Done?" He questioned, running a hand through his disheveled hair, and swooping it to the side.

All he wanted to do at the moment was take a long, hot shower. He had been running late this morning, having over slept, and, usually, he didn't care for that kind of stuff since Zayn didn't. Simon, his boss, did, though. A lot, matter of fact, and Louis wasn't too keen on being yelled at at eleven AM.

"Yeah. When will you get back to me?" He asked, Louis looking over his baby face, his cheeks raising up into a warm smile he didn't return.

He seemed a bit too... nice to be working here, and the amount of positive vibe he was giving off gave Louis a headache. (He just hated happiness, apparently)

"Um. Soon." He lied. "What's your name again?" The chestnut haired boy asked rudely, not even caring how it came off.

"Liam. Liam Payne." He nodded, standing up slowly from where he was sitting in front of Louis, a small IKEA desk separating them. The lad—Liam even held his hand out politely for Louis to shake — which Louis ignored because this wasn't a real interview and he wasn't about to get hired in a business company. It was a low end job that paid off 6 pounds an hour, so Louis really didn't understand why this Liam guy was so excited to start. As if he'd get hired anyway.

"'Kay, _Liam_. We'll let you know soon." Louis lied again.

When it came to hiring, well, Louis just didn't. Zayn encouraged him to get some people, so they could have more hands to help but two was enough. Him and Zayn. It had always been like that, and some church boy was not going to change that.

Liam picked up the pen on the desk and some blank paper, jotting something Louis couldn't see down onto it. "Here's my number." Liam pushed his arm towards Louis, him giving Liam the most fake smile and took the paper as if Liam had some fatal disease at the tip of his fingers.

Liam walked out the small office that was actually Simon's and headed to the front door, Louis following after him to make his way around to the counter.

As Louis watched Liam make his way towards the door, Harry made his way inside- which was a first- the two bumping into each other, chuckling a little and did that thing you see in the movies where they both moved to the right, laughed, then moved to the left.

Louis was watching with a frown on his face, stashing the clipboard under the front desk.

"Who are these for?" Louis heard Liam ask curiously after settling down from the fit of laughter they shared.

Harry whispered something Louis didn't hear and his frown deepened.

As the third minute rolled by — yes, Louis was keeping track — he cleared his throat annoyingly loud, making the two twist their necks towards him. "This is not a social gathering, you either come in or stay out. I'm not having this whole standing-in-the-middle-of-the-door thing." Louis said, opening up some football magazine, flipping through the pages loudly.

Again, Harry whispered something he couldn't hear but whatever it was, it made Liam smile then nod before walking out the door. Harry himself was smiling from ear to ear and Louis was really curious about what they were talking about to get them smiling like that. But he didn't ask. He didn't care.

Liam left, Harry walking further into the tattoo shop, flower bouquet clutched to his chest and eyes glued to the floor as if it was the most interesting thing to look at ever.

"What do you want?" Louis asked, not really meaning for it so sound harsh, but it did. Harry stuttered a little, walking to the counter with his lip inbetween his teeth. He was clearly attempting to muster up enough courage to say something.

"Um, could I use the bathroom. Just... for a minute- just to sprinkle some water on the... the petals." he mumbled, looking at said petals and poking at it gently with the tip of his long fingers.

"The bathroom is for customers only." Louis said, his elbows on the counter and looking at Harry through his fringe. He saw him blink at him, then lick over his lips.

"Oh." Harry whispered back, his eyes not really ever leaving the flower petals and it annoyed Louis.

Why couldn't he just freaking talk to him? Louis wasn't that intimidating.

"I was kidding." Louis finally said, sighing exasperatedly at the unresponsive boy.

"Ah."

"Is that all you can say- You know what? Just go." The older lad waved him off. You didn't need him to tell you he was annoyed for you to tell that Louis was. It was all in the eyes.

Louis heard the bathroom door open up then close behind Harry, the faint noise of the tap water going on then off before Harry was trotting out again, his flowers looking much better than they did when he walked in.

"How do you know liam?" Louis asked before Harry was walking out the shop.

(Maybe he cared just a little?)

"Oh, well..." Harry replied, turning a little to face Louis. "Um, he was in my old highschool... i kinda used to, uhm- like him." Harry softly smiled once he said that. "Don't even know why i told you that." Louis heard him whisper to himself.

Louis wanted to ask him more questions because he was just really curious and maybe was a little nosy but he left it at that, not uttering another word as he looked through the magizines by the counter, looking for anything interesting.

Harry must've taken the hint that the conversation was over because he left just like that, Louis watching him go through the glass window.

 

 


	3. The One With Thing 1, 2 and 3

12PM found Louis by the door of the locked shop, glancing over at his phone every 5 seconds. (They felt like 5 decades)

Where the fuck are you? Louis thought, referring to his friend, Zayn, who was supposed to meet up with him here, and now. It was lunch, for fuck sake, Louis' stomach wasn't going to wait forever.

It was a Tuesday, and on Tuesdays, the parlor didn't open up until after lunch, which was 1PM. (Honestly, it was only decided by him and Zayn, they didn't need the boss' consent, pfft)

Louis let out a puff of air as he looked around, trying to see if he'd spot the familiar head in the crowd, but he didn't, and with every passing second, Louis grew even more irritated.

He bet Zayn hadn't even gotten up, hadn't even woken up—Enjoying his long sleep, while Louis was here, impatiently waiting for the man to arrive, tired and hungry. Zayn was gonna get an ear full after this.

"Sorry, Zee, but a man's gotta eat." He mumbled to no one, pushing his body off the door. He waited five more seconds, just in case his friend was running to him, screaming for him to wait, but he never came. Okay, ditching him it is.

Louis made his way to the small food court that was, conveniently, just a couple minutes away from the shop, which always made it so easy to grab a quick snack and come back whenever they needed to. (Making up their own rules, once again)

He felt his stomach rumble, asking for food and seemingly as impatient as he was. Maybe going to bed early last night with nothing for dinner wasn't a great idea.

In his defensive, sleep was a rare occasion for him. Mostly because of the many TV shows he always felt compelled to finish in one night but, who knew really. (It was obviously that)

The lad sighed and ran a hand through his greasy hair, then digging his fingers into his jean pockets. His eyes were down on his shoes, not needing to even look up to reach the place he so often frequented.

A loud, bitter laugh was what made him look up from his shoes, frowning.

It wasn't a friendly laugh, Louis knew that much, and sounded almost as if he was mocking whoever it was targeted at.

The boy rolled his eyes. If a fight was going to block his way to his destination, he wouldn't be too happy.

That was until Louis searched for the person who those voices belonged to, and found out who it was targeted at.

Harry was pressed against the wall by a bloke his size, three smaller lads standing behind him, coaxing the fight that was about to happen as if it a football match.

They were shouting insults, Louis believed. He wasn't entirely sure, though, because he still wasn't at earshot, but Louis knew they weren't nice things from the way Harry winced at every word thrown, and how much anger and spite were on the bloke's faces. They looked pleased with themselves, whilst they held Harry by his collar and tugged him towards them only to throw him back onto the wall, grinning widely at each other and laughing.

What was more disgusting than the scene, though, was the amount of people who dodged it all, ducking their heads down as if they didn't see anything. Louis understood that the fear of getting hurt themselves was greater, but they could do something, anything. It was better than just walking away.

Louis was left baffled, stepping closer so he could hear what filthy things they were sneering at the terrified boy.

"—I don't want to fight you, you're making a scene, let me," Harry's final word fell from his lips when he saw the look whoever was holding him gave him.

"Let you go? Please, the fun just started." The bloke chuckled. "What happened to your tutu, though, I wanted to beat the--"

Louis blocked out what he said next, not wanting to hear it. 

Why wasn't Harry fighting back? It wasn't like Harry was smaller than them. He was more lanky than lean, but Louis could tell that he could throw a few punches.

Louis shook his head.

He should do something. His subconscious was shouting at him to intervene—since obviously, nobody else was going to—but he didn't know...

He'd be hypocritical if he didn't, but, Louis didn't even know the lad. It'd be so random to help him. Then again, he did have a heart, he wasn't going to leave him to get the shit beat out of him.

He groaned. 

"Hey, the fuck is happening here?" Louis spoke up, his hands still in his pockets as he nonchalantly walked up to the trio, and Harry, and frowned a little.

They too frowned. "What's it to you?" The man who had his grasp on Harry spat, clearly loosening his grip on him, who was frowning deeply at Louis as if he didn't understand. (Louis didn't, either)

Louis scoffed. "Considering that you chose a very busy street, and a very busy time of the day, it kind of is my business, because you see," He gestured. "You're blocking the sidewalk, and I kind of have fries that I could be eating right now." He shrugged. 

When they looked at each other, then at Louis with a look of confusion on his face, Harry was let go of, and they stepped closer to Louis.

"Do you want to replace him?" The front man, who was some kind of boss, said, cracking his knuckles like the bad guys did in movies.

Louis thought quickly, shaking his head. "Like I said, I've got a date with my fries, so really, I'll pass." He chuckled nervously. "Honestly, though, it's noon, people are trying to get to places. And who even starts a fight in the middle of the day? Mate, if you're gonna do it, at least plan ahead." He blinked. "And plus, you do realize, that the bloke you're trying to K-O, could K-O you right back if he wanted to, right? And I doubt it'd be pretty." The three men tried to cut him off, but Louis was quicker. "How about you move along, hm? I think I saw a couple of cops around, wouldn't be too happy about this now, would they? Assault's illegal, if you weren't aware."

Louis rendered all of them completely speechless. It was clear they tried to snap back, but had nothing in mind. So, reluctantly, all three of them grumbled, glanced at Harry one last time, before pushing past Louis and disappearing.

Louis felt smug, he wasn't going to lie. 

Louis Tomlinson strikes again, He thought.

He looked over at the shaken up boy, watching him fix his wrinkled sweater.

"No thank you? No, 'You saved my life, I think I owe you mine now, and will buy you lunch to pay you back'?" Louis tutted. "Shame."

The boy only smiled at him, almost like a grateful smile, and, whatever, Louis was gonna take it.

"Do you know those guys?" Louis asked.

Harry shook his head no.

"Oh, they're those sort of people. Like to start shit with people just for the fun, hm." Louis bit his lip.

They both stayed quiet, Louis rocking back and forth on his heels until he smacked his lips together. "As nice as this was, I'll have to go now." He said, starting to walk the few steps into the food court. "I'll, uh, see you around... I guess."

As he left, Louis could swear he saw the boy grin widely at the ground from the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure.


	4. The One Where They Both Knew Each Others Names

If someone asked Louis why he loved his job, he'd laugh at their face. Because if Louis was being honest, he genuinely hated his job.

Cute girls walk in and out of the shop, you get to do nothing for hours and get paid, what was there not to like? But that was exactly it. (Minus the cute girls because, ahem?) 

Louis hated having to just sit behind a desk and tell people where to go to get inked. He hated having nothing ever to do—He just hated being useless. At least Zayn was always busy, tatting people up and all but Louis just sat around and it was so, mind numbingly boring. he would quit if it were up to him, but he needed to pay rent and he couldn't just leave Zayn like that after he had helped him so much in the past.

Louis remembered when he first walked past here, the largest frames sat on the edge of his nose with his book bag hung over his shoulder, when Zayn called him over. He was scared and unsure because he remembered what his Mom told him, "Stranger danger!". So his first instinct was to ignore and flee, but there was something about Zayn back then, even now too actually, that no one could ever resist and so Louis just walked towards the lad, scared he would get beaten up since Zayn looked very intimidating but instead of a punch, Louis got offered a cigarette and a smile. Then when Louis shakily took it, Zayn just laughed and lightly nudged his shoulder.

Zayn had had his back ever since, and it'd be horrible if Louis just abandoned this "business" Zayn wanted to develop. (Zayn didn't really own the shop, anyway. Some greasy man that dropped by every two months did but it was like Zayn did own it)

It's not like louis had to work here forever. Maybe Zayn would want to do something else or maybe he just wouldn't need him anymore. Who knew, to be honest.

But now, as the 24 year old leaned against the counter, Louis hated this job even more because now, Liam was here. (Zayn was the one to force him to hire him) Liam with his innocent face and already-knowing-Harry-ness and nice-to-everyone-ness and already-knowing-Harry-ness-ness. It was irritating.

Okay, yes, he did help. As much as Louis wouldn't like to admit it, he really did but he did the things Louis could do on his own. He didn't need his pretentious ass walking around here. 

Louis watched him pick up some new boxes of ink and new equipment the owner ordered in, taking it to the back and coming back out to take another box. He rolled his eyes.

When Louis looked out the window to enjoy the nice weather they were having, he rolled his eyes, even more, at who he saw. Could you guess who it was? (Hint! He had bright green eyes and had a fucking lilly in his curly hair like the princess he acted like he was. Still don't know who it is? It was Harry-fucking-Styles). Louis stared at the lad from yesterday who was now on the other side of the street instead of in front of the tattoo shop like he used to be.

Louis didn't know why he suddenly got the urge to try to spark up a conversation with him again. and he might get shot down again, ignored or walked away from but he wasn't really needed here and he could use another break and just— Why the fuck not?

Louis picked up the little sign that said 'be back in ___ minute(s)' and wrote '15' in the gap provided with the marker that he found on the desk. He put it up on the counter and picked up his phone, going around it and out the door.

The warm summer breeze hit his face and blew through his hair as soon as he stepped out and he sighed in content. He loved summer. Or at least, what he had of summer. Especially because he lived in London.

Louis stood in front of the shop for a moment, debating in his head whether he should even bother at all. 

On one hand, he didn't know the boy that much, and this could be a waste of time, but on another hand, there was this one feeling that tugged at his stomach and he didn't know if it was the fries he had from McDonalds a few days ago that weren't really cooperating with his stomach or something telling him to go with his heart.

Either way, he was already making his way across the road and taking a seat on the bench next to the boy he seemed so intrigued by, so it was clear to say, it was too late to back down. 

He watched the cars drive by and people hurriedly push past each other, not saying anything for a moment. 

He could see Harry shift from the corner of his eye, clearing his throat.

What should he even say? Louis wasn't sure. He could pull a simple, 'Hi'. But then again, they weren't friends. So that would be weird, right? 

"Nice weather we have today, hm?" He started, finally twisting his neck to look at the boy, watching him dig his fingers into his mop of hair and ruffling it. 

At first, Harry didn't say anything and Louis was just about ready to give up and go back, but he looked at Louis, fiddling with the petals of the various different flowers and said, "Are you going to smoke? Because I don't want the flowers to wilt." 

It was then that Louis realized this was the very first time Harry verbally talked to him. Actually used his words to communicate, and it was satisfying.

Louis showed off his set of teeth, propping his arm on the head of the bench, knowing if he moved a centimetre that he would be able to touch the semi-strangers shoulder. 

"So you can speak. Good. I thought I'd have to go ahead and learn sign language to communicate with you, but thanks for saving me the trouble." Louis smiled a little, noticing the shoelace of one of his vans shoes untied but not really bothering to move and tie it again. 

If he tripped, oh well.

When the lad didn't say anything, Louis spoke up again. "And no, I'm not going to smoke. Smoking is bad."

"Then why do you do it if you know it's not good for you?" Harry asked curiously, his voice deep but soft and Louis didn't know how the hell those two went together.

Louis shrugged in response. "I always wished to be part of the cool crew. Which, honestly, is so not worth getting cancer, between you and me." 

"Woah, keep your voice down. You'll get kicked out of your club if they hear you say that." The lad joked and Louis grinned softly, pointing at him.

"That, is very right." he hummed, looking over Harry's face subtly. "Say, why aren't you infront of the shop like you used to be?"

"Oh." Harry turned shy again, now fiddling with his fingers and looking at a crack on the ground that he avoided stepping on. (Step on a crack, break your mama's back)

The lad shrugged. "I just... thought you didn't want me- there." he whispered, Louis frowning.

"And why's that?"

He shrugged again, sucking in his bottom lip before chewing on it. 

Louis knew it was the whole pointing and staring thing with Zayn, and he felt guilty for making him feel bad. He sighed.

"Well, um. You are free to give away your flowers in front of the shop. We don't care." He said to assure him, propping one of his leg on the bench and the other on the ground. "Why do you even give them for free. You could be making quiet a few cash, y'know."

The boy shook his head, smiling to himself and still not meeting Louis' eyes. "I don't want the money. The only reward I get is the smiles of the people I give the flowers to."

"Alright, mozzarella stick, you keep on making people smile, I'm going to go back to work before I don't have work to go back to." Louis checked his phone, slowly standing up. 

"I'm Louis, by the way." Louis said to the boy, smiling softly at him as he nodded.

"I know." Harry whispered. "I'm Harry." 

"I know." Louis replied back, a small grin creeping up on his face as he made his way across the road and to the shop, looking back just once to see Harry smiling wide at his flowers.


	5. The One Where He Was Pretty

Louis was getting out the shop, ready to go to their lunch break with Zayn. (And Liam too but Louis tried hard to ignore him) Louis specifically said no McDonald's because that feeling tugging at his stomach the other day was actually the fries, and he learnt that the hard way. 

As they were walking down the sidewalk, he saw Harry, this time leaning by the window of another shop, and looking down at his feet as if they were the most interesting things he'd ever seen.

It was always so weird not seeing him happy, and smiling and cheerful. That's what he always was, and that was what Louis was used to.

He looked like a lost puppy or a pouting two year old or-or one of those stray kittens that sometimes meow-ed really cutely, and followed you around and, dammit, Louis couldn't just walk away and leave him there.

He disliked him, yeah, and thought he was strange but Louis did have a heart. (Surprisingly)

"Hey, maybe we should invite curly over there." He hit Zayn's chest with the back of his hand, the olive skinned boy raising an eyebrow high up at the peculiar question. 

"And why would we do that?" He asked, hands digging in his pockets.

"Well, because it's invite curlies to lunch day. Get with the program, mate." Louis tried to play off coolly as he nervously chuckled, scratching the back of his neck and seeing the skeptic look he got from Zayn. "He seems... lonely."

"Weren't you the one making fun of his blouse like five days ago?" Zayn questioned, now both eyebrows raised and sort of annoyed that they had to waste precious minutes just standing here chatting, when they could be eating. Louis noticed Liam raise his eyebrows too at the statement mentioned but thankfully, didn't get into the conversation.

"Four. And I wasn't making fun, I was pointing out things I've noticed. There's a difference." Louis defended. "But I don't care, I'm inviting him, anyway."

"Okay, what drugs did you smoke lately because Lou, holler at me." Zayn chuckled a little.

All Louis did was roll his eyes and walk past Zayn, taking his time as he approached Harry, who was still so intrigued by his feet.

"Hello." Louis smiled kindly, wondering when the fuck he got so interested in this boy. The boy who gave out flowers and wore pink and who Louis clearly couldn't stop worrying about. Louis let out a breath, rocking back and forth on his heels as he thought over what he was gonna say. "So I was wondering,"

Harry smiled and nodded. 

Louis took that as a sign to go on, so he did. "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come have lunch with us?" He gestured to Zayn when he said 'us', Zayn shaking his head as if to say he wasn't part of the 'us'. "We're not as scary as we seem, trust me."

It was a poor attempt to ease the awkward tension fogging the air, but it made Harry smile wider. Louis noticed the two dimples on each cheek just then. "It's the tattoos and piercings." He pointed out, Louis chuckling airly.

"We might might have all that but we actually chase kittens around gardens after work. Don't tell no one, though." 

Harry shook his head, "Wouldn't want to ruin your bad-boy rep."

"So I do have-" 

"Louis could you hurry up? If you're going to take an eternity, lemme know so I could trim my growing beard." Zayn called from behind them, Louis rolling his eyes again, but even harder. Zayn made him do that so well.

"So, yeah. Lunch? I'll buy you strawberry icecream." Louis bribed, poking Harry's dimple and having to hold back a coo because-fuck-he giggled. Like, actually scrunched his nose up and giggled.

"Okay."

*

Just like Louis promised, he bought Harry strawberry icecream with any toppings he liked. (Harry being the cute little shit he was, he got the heart shaped candies that matched the color of the ice cream. Louis asked himself how was he not two years old)

They were now sitting at the back of the food place, silence fogging over the three as they all munched on their food.

"This is Harry, by the way. I'm sure you already know that because you know everyone." Louis said to Zayn, hating the silence. He'd always been a chatty guy, and silence had always been something he felt uncomfortable basking in.

When Zayn didn't introduce himself, Louis kicked his shin from under the table, causing the lad to groan. "Ow?" He said, Louis giving him a plastic smile.

"Ma name's Zen." He told Harry, going back to his food and removing himself from the conversation he wasn't even remotely interested in.

Harry nodded shyly at Zayn.

Louis leaned down so only Harry could hear what he was saying. "Don't mind him. He hasn't gotten laid since summer '09. I bet he wants to go back there every night." And that earned him a little chuckle from the boy-which he was actually proud of.

"You know I can actually hear you, right?" Zayn pointed out, an eyebrow cocked upwards.

"Good to know you aren't deaf, then." Louis said sarcastically, looking at Harry, who, again, was snickering to himself at their small bicker.

It quickly got quiet again, Louis listening to the hum of the crowds all around the food court-children screaming, adults yelling. It was actually quite a ruckus.

"So, Liam. I heard you knew Harry back in highschool." Louis brought up, making both Harry and Liam lift their heads and look at each other. 

Liam swallowed his mouth full first, then cleared his throat. "Um, yeah. Were we really mates, Haz?"

Haz. Wow. Wow. How close were they actually for him to be calling him 'Haz', huh? Louis had to refrain from making a face even though that's all he wanted to do.

"We were more... acquaintances. had a couple of projects and all that." Harry replied.

"Oh my god. Remember David James? The one with the million different hair colors every day." Liam said, chuckling a little and Harry following. 

"And when he told the whole school we were together and we just went with it?" Harry said. They both laughed. Louis pressed his lips together.

He tried to bud in, to think of something to say or maybe relate to what they were saying but he had nothing. He had to sit there and listen to the two chatter up about their past like they were the greatest friends.

Louis just looked over Harry's face, watching his lips move as he uttered every word. His eyes scanned up his face, looking at his excited expression and his eyes and then... Louis noticed something.

"Are you wearing... mascara?" Louis asked, eyes squinting a little to see if he saw right because, what?

Harry stopped mid sentence, turning completely red. He opened his mouth then closed it, like a fish on shore, trying to find the words to say. He started playing with his napkin, ripping some of the pieces of the fabric and putting it on the table. "I- um... No-Well, yes. Just a little-I... I.." All Harry did was stammer, stumbling over his own words as he stared at his lap.

Louis looked at Zayn, seeing the bradford boy mouth, 'strange' to him. He didn't respond, though, just turned his head to look at harry.

And when the words tumbled out of his mouth, it surprised not only himself but Zayn, and Liam, and Harry too. Louis didn't know if he said it to be nice or if he truly meant it. 

"You look pretty." Louis said through a mouthful of food, trying to sound all casual about it. He could hear Zayn choking on his sandwich and saw Harry lift his head up, beaming at him as if he had just done the greatest justice. 

Nothing beat that big smile that Harry gave him or the tinting of his cheek or how he said, 'Thank you' so shyly, so quietly. And maybe Louis did mean it in the end.


	6. The One Where He Wasn't Gay

"Okay, since when do you call guys you just met pretty?" Zayn asked over dinner that night. They were spending the night over at Niall's place, giving the blond a little visit. (Louis only agreed because Zayn offered to cook) "Since when do you call any guy pretty?"

"Woah. How many episodes had I missed? I went back home for a week, guys, not a lifetime." Niall said when he walked into the kitchen, trying to sneakily take some of the food Zayn was cooking but had his hand smacked away. 

"Louis started talking to this lad I thought he hated," Zayn said this matter-of-factly. "And today we found out he wore mascara." Zayn explained, Niall nodding for him to go on. 

"Okay? Then?" The Irish lad said, asking for more explanation as Zayn stared at him.

" 'Then', what?" Zayn's frown deepened. He was baffled that Niall wasn't as shocked as he was, because he was supposed to be! "Guys shouldn't wear mascara, it's... weird." He mumbled, the end coming out weaker with his back turned to the two.

Louis scoffed. "Since when do you decide what's weird and what's not. He can do whatever he wants." He said, looking over at Niall who just stood there all confused.

The blue eyed man sighed. "I called him pretty, alright. I complimented him and now Zayn's freaking out because 'guys can't be pretty'. He gave me the whole speech on the way here. I was this close to sacrificing my soul to Satan just to get out of there." He shook his head, fishing out a can of beer from the fridge and taking a seat on one of the stools.

"Wow, Zayn, reinforcing gender stereotypes, aren't ya?" Niall took a beer himself, taking a seat next to Louis and fist bumping the fist Louis held out. 

"I'm not reinforcing anything—Just..." Zayn sighed. "I thought you hated him, and now you're all nice to him? Just doesn't make sense to me." He said to Louis, serving the burgers and fries onto three different plates.

"Okay, for one, hate is a pretty strong word. I didn't hate him."

Both Zayn and Niall gave him a look, making him raise his hands in mid air. "Alright, fuck. God, can't I change my mind. Huh, sexist-Zayn?" Louis asked, laughing softly at Zayn's irritated face.

The dark haired lad groaned, whipping around to look at his two friends. "I'm not-! You know what? screw you. If you want to bone your new boyfriend that wears make up, then go ahead."

"I am, in fact, straight." Louis defended, taking a gulp of his cool beer. Both the boys in the room tried to hold in their scoff, but did a completely shit job. Louis frowned.

"Hey, I can call another guy pretty without wanting to suck their dick, okay."

"That's what they all say until you catch them one drunken night sucking off their best friend." Niall replied.

*

The next day, Louis was walking out the shop, locking up the door as he was the last to leave. It was the end of the day, which meant he was just about ready to sleep on the ground with how exhausted he was.

The man ran a hand through his chestnut-colored hair, tugging at his lip ring as he shoved the keys in his pocket. 

As he turned around, Louis saw Harry sitting on the bench across the street. From what he could see, he was wiping at his eyes slowly.

Louis quickly averted his eyes.

Don't look and you wont be tempted, don't look and you won't be tempted, Louis chanted to himself in his head, pupils down on the pavement as his limbs made to take a few steps forward.

The chant worked, only for a minute. All Louis needed to do was look back before he was already walking across the street, phone in his hand and a small, sheepish smile on his face as their eyes met. Damn this boy.

The closer he got, the more Louis' heart got heavier. He noticed Harry's red eyes, him sniffling softly and quickly wiping at his face.

"Hey, bub." He started in a soft voice, wanting to test the waters first. "Why're you crying?" Louis asked as soon as he was stood in front of him, a frown dancing on his eyebrows.

Harry looked up at him with red eyes and he looked so sad, Louis never wanted to see that sight again.

"It's- No, nothing. It's stupid." Harry shook his head, Louis taking a seat next to him because he definitely wasn't going to leave it at that.

"No, tell me. I'm your friend, right?" Louis asked, not stuttering one bit.  
Harry nodded hesitantly, but he still nodded. "And friends tell each other things, don't they?"

"Well, I..." Harry rubbed his one eye once more. "Yeah."

"So, what happened?"

Harry sighed softly, his eyebrows contorting to a frown as he moved his body to rest his elbows on his knees, his chin resting on one of the palms of his hands.

"I accidentally left my money here on the bench and got up to buy flowers but came back to it stolen. Now... I don't have any way of getting home because it was also my bus fee." He pouted cutely, playing with the loose thread of his bright pink sweater even though it was the beginning of July.

"That's alright, I can take you." Louis offered, not even hesitating. 

He was tired, yes, but he was also doing a good deed at the moment and Lord knew he needed all he could get. And it was fucking Harry. He couldn't just leave him here. Especially when he was crying.

"No, you don't-"

"I want to." He was firm. "Now, get your butt up before I change my mind." As if he really would.

Louis pulled Harry up from his hand and sighed quietly at how soft they were. Everything about this boy was soft.

He took him to his car—opening the door up for him because he was a gentleman like that—and then got in himself.

* 

The drive was awkward at first. Nothing was to be heard except for the faint hum of the car's engine, and Harry telling him which street to turn to. But then, Louis turned the radio on and No Control was barring through the speakers. Even though he hated the boy band, never had been a fan of pop, he still sang along to the lyrics quietly, hearing Harry hum too.

Right down to the chorus, the two sang to the words loudly in the car, being as dramatic as they wanted to be. They may have gotten stares from other people in other cars, but who gave a damn?

Louis stopped in front of a large house, looking up at it then at Harry. "Here we are."

Harry nodded and unbuckled his belt. "Thank you, Louis." He smiled, his dimples popping. Louis resisted the urge to reach over and poke it.

"Ooh. Who's this for?" Harry smiled, picking up a flower crown that was at the foot of his shoes, something he just noticed. 

"Oh, yeah. That's my cousin's. She probably left it here, but I personally think she should throw it away, it looks like shit now." Louis snorted. He watched as Harry put the flower crown, with the petals almost falling out, onto his head and watched as he smiled at Louis widely.

He looked absolutely adorable, the pink and purple looking perfectly mixing atop of his brown mop of hair. Louis smiled softly.

"I'd let you keep it, but it's kinda old." Louis told him softly, Harry taking off the flower crown and placing it on the space in front of the steering wheel.

Louis watched the boy step out the car and walk up to the door as he waved at Louis.

He thought about how he actually could get used to this.

And for some weird reason, that thought felt calming.


	7. The One Where He Matched His Room Perfectly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post two more chapters, just to get rid of these drafts. Enjoy!

"And the thing is, even with the police telling her drunken ass to get up, she still continued to sing Kesha at the top of her lungs—and the scene wouldn't have been half as bad if she had a decent voice, but alas." Louis shook his head, laughing and watching Harry hold his stomach with how much he was laughing as well.

"And that all happened in front of a pub?" Harry questioned, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Louis nodded, chuckling again. "All of it. I don't know whether I'm cursed for witnessing all that or blessed. Either way, it was very entertaining to watch." He smiled, Harry chuckling once again.

Louis didn't know how but he had grown to absolutely love Harry's presence. He loved talking to him— that's all he's been doing—he loved seeing him laugh, he just loved having him there in general.

It was such a big contrast to his usual friends who made dick jokes then scratched said dick. Harry was literally the epitome of soft and for Louis, it was like taking a small break from Zayn and Niall.

It was all a surprise, really, because not long ago, him and Zayn were calling Harry strange and now here Louis was, absolutely fond-ing over him. (Although he'd never admit it) How did he even get here? That was still a question that kept circling Louis' head, though he chose to shove it to the back of his mind.

Louis looked up, watching the white clouds float around the orange sky as the wind blew past them. He breathed in, taking a whiff of that summer air, before he turned to look back at Harry. "It's getting late. Do you want me to take you home?" He offered.

Harry nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. Someone stole my bus fee again. Must be cursed or something." The lad chuckled as he waved his hand.

Louis raised an eyebrow then reached for the money poking out of Harry's tight jeans. "Yeah, you totally got your bus fee stolen." He hummed, chuckling a little as Harry's face got darker and he snatched the money from Louis' hands.

"Something tells me you love my company, Styles. Or maybe you're just taking advantage of the fact that I have a car. Don't know which one it is." Louis continued to hum as he stood up, pulling out his car keys while Harry stood up too.

"I think it's the first guess." Harry responded, following the older lad to the car.

"Then, in that case, I like your company too." The brunette shot him a smile and with that, they both got into the car, Louis driving off.

*

"I was wondering if I could spend the evening at your place? Just for dinner. Because I haven't been grocery shopping in ages and I need to eat something else other than fast food or I might end up obese." Louis said once he parked in front of the big house, turning the ignition off and looking at Harry.

Louis just secretly wanted to spend more time with this boy and maybe get to know him even more. He wasn't lying, though, the only thing in his fridge was expired milked, but he also just wanted to be around Harry.

There was just something about this lad Louis simply could not lay his finger on. But again, he ignored that.

Harry widened his eyes, then looked at the building, clearing his throat. "Um... the thing is... I don't live alone." And Louis' heart sunk at that, his smile immediately falling.

"You have a-someone? A girlfriend?" The man choked out, a frown creasing his eyebrows a little as he gripped his steering wheel.

"Girlfriend?" Harry chuckled with a frown on his own face. "What? No, no. I don't have a girlfriend." He chuckled once more, as if Louis said the funniest joke. "I'm not even into them." He heard Harry mumble to himself in the end and it might've been for himself to hear only but Louis heard it too and he bit down on his lip.

"Anyway... Um-it's just I live with my foster siblings... It's too long of a story for me to explain but," Harry looked at Louis, playing with his fingers like he did when he was nervous. (Louis picked up on that now) "It's weird, I know-"

"I don't care." Louis said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

Harry looked at him all confused and frowned. "Most people-"

"I think what you do forget, my dear Harold, is that I'm not like most people." Louis cut him off, smiling and shoving his car keys in his pocket as he opened the door and hopped off.

"Hop off or I'll lock you in." Louis bent down to look at him and with a huge smile on his face, Harry hopped off the car too.

"I have four little sisters, okay and they get excited whenever I bring someone—if i bring someone—so don't be afraid." Harry warned, Louis rolling his eyes.

"I won't be scared of little ten year olds Harry, don't worry."

Harry unlocked the door and stepped in, calling 'I'm home,' when he did so.

As if they were waiting for him by the steps of the staircase, two girls, who one looked around ten and the other seven, ran up to him and practically hopped on him, clinging onto the tall lad as if he was all they had.

"Harry!" They all screamed, jumping up and down, Harry ruffling the hair of the blonde one.

Then the littlest came running up in a bright purple dress, giggling loudly and waving her little hands excitedly. "Harry!" she squealed in the cutest little voice, Harry taking her up in his arms and kissing her chubby cheeks.

"I feel so loved." He chuckled.

Louis just watched the scene with crinkles by his eyes and arms before his chest. He watched Harry's dimples form by his cheeks and how his tongue showed a little bit as he laughed, and just how happy he seemed with them. It was all such an adorable sight and Louis really couldn't hold back the 'aw' that tumbled out of his mouth.

"Well, guys, this is Louis." Harry gestured to him, the girls peering at the lad curiously. "He's a friend of mine."

"Is this that boy you've been talking about? The one who had the prettiest blue eyes and a smile to-" The oldest looking one started but before she could even finish, Harry was already covering her mouth, whispering something to her Louis couldn't hear.

"A smile to what? Sorry, I just love compliments, especially when it comes from this one." Louis nudged his ribs, the boy trying to hide his pink cheeks.

"Trust me, he compliments you all the-"

"Anyway!" Harry cut off, running a hand through his curls. "This loud mouth is Lucy." He looked at Louis and pointed at the eldest looking one. "That's Phoebe," Be pointed to the blonde one. "and this little cutie," He tickled the littlest, smiling wide. "is Chloe."

Chloe just giggled again, hiding her face shyly in Harry's neck.

"There's also Lottie but she's probably up in her room doing whatever sixteen year olds do." Harry shrugged, placing Chloe down onto the carpeted floor.

"I like your piercings." Phoebe pointed at the one's Louis had in his earlobe and lip, him humming a little. "Did it hurt?"

"Eh. Kind of, yeah. But they're cool aren't they?"

"Yeah!" Both Phoebe and Lucy nodded eagerly, grinning at Louis.

"Well you won't be getting any 'til your thirty." Harry said sternly, the two groaning in annoyance.

While the two girls argued with Harry, claiming that thirty was "Five hundred years away", Chloe smiled and reached for Louis' hand, tugging at it for him to look down at her. "I'll show you around." She said, showing off her few missing teeth, as she tugged at him.

"She does that to everyone that visits. Just go along with it." Lucy told Louis as the lad nodded understandingly, looking back down at the four year old tugging him through the living room.

"First, I'll show you Hazza's room. It's the most pretty." She announced quietly, just to Louis as if it was a secret, a bright smile on her face that Louis couldn't help but return.

At first, as little Chloe lead Louis down the hall and stopped at a random door downstairs, Harry didn't say anything but as he realized which door it was, his eyes widened two times its size.

"Wait, Chloe, no-!" Harry tried to stop, but it was too late.

Chloe tried to open the door, she struggled a little because of her size, but finally managed to do so.

The bed had purple sheets draped over it, with pink pillows accompanying it. The wall was pink as well and had little lights that were hanging over the book shelves that illuminated the room. The floor had a large purple rug in the middle of it too—just so everything could match perfectly. 

Louis just thought Chloe changed her mind and showed her room instead, but when he saw the letters on the door, written pink and bold for no one to miss, he knew it wasn't Chloe's room.

"This..." Louis gulped, still looking around. "This is Harry's room?" he asked, astonished, because how was this boy even real?

Louis turned his head to look at a red faced Harry, watching him stand there with his hands in front of him and eyes gazing downwards.

Chloe nodded and so did Harry—shyly—and the two other girls.

"How are you real, Styles?" Louis thought out loud with a grin on his face he could not wipe off.


	8. The One With The Flower Crown

It was later on that night, the kids up in their rooms sleeping soundly since they had school the next day.

Both Harry and Louis were downstairs in the living room, watching reruns of Friends in the dark with food all over the coffee table, bowls of chips, gummy bears, popcorn, practically everything.

Louis was wearing the same thing he was earlier but Harry changed after dinner, wearing one of his large sweaters that went up to his knees— again, it was July—and shorts. It took every bit of Louis not to pull the younger lad closer because, he looked so cuddly and soft.

It was nice like this, though. Them sitting side by side, shoulders brushing while Louis heard Harry laugh here and there— the most beautiful sound he had ever heard— and there was even a moment when Harry leaned into his side then laid his head on his shoulder — something he didn't oppose against even though Harry's hair was tickling him, because it just felt right. Like they've done it a million times before. He liked it like this, Louis really did.

"So may I ask?" Louis spoke up, making Harry lift his head up curiously, which made him go on. "You're well over eighteen, right? Why do you live with your foster siblings? Like, did their parents..." Louis trailed off, frowning slightly as if whatever he was thinking, he didn't want to say it.

"Oh, no, no." Harry shook his head, his curls bouncing a little, Louis smiling. Harry sat up properly and crossed his legs. "They're just away. Like they always are, to be honest." Harry sighed and bit his lip. "They're never here so they always expect me to take care of their own kids."

Louis nodded understandingly, pressing his lips together. "Okay that explains that but why are you still here? Other then to take care of the little ones."

Harry looked down at his hand for a minute, the smile he had on before quickly disappearing. Louis suddenly felt really bad because he didn't want to trigger anything in Harry but before he could tell him he didn't have to answer, the lad started.

"My own parents, um, they want nothing to do with me. They never did and never will, I guess," Harry said, nibbling on his lip. "And it's just... it feels nice to come home to someone that appreciates you. I've been with this family for as long as I can remember, I can't leave these kids now. They practically-actually, they are family and I can't do that to family." He shrugged, his sweater falling off his shoulder as he did so. 

Louis smiled softly and reached over to tug the fabric back so that it was covering Harry's shoulder like it had been, leaning back. "That's so sweet. Honestly, Harry, you're so sweet. You're giving me a tooth ache, here." Louis laughed softly, trying to lift up the mood a little from where it dropped. The crinkles formed again once he made Harry giggle- has Louis ever said how amazing that sound was?

"Ooh. I just remembered." Louis stood up, walking out the house to his car that was parked upfront, leaving a confused Harry on the couch to peer out the open door.

When Louis came back a few minutes later, he was holding something behind his back, which just increased Harry's curiosity, the boy trying to look behind him.

Louis just saw it there on the display box in front of the window of the shop whilst he was out with Zayn and he really couldn't help but think of how Harry would love it and how beautiful it would look on top of Harry's brown curls, sitting there so neatly and fuck- he just had to get it for him.

"Um, what's that?" Harry asked when Louis sat back down next to him with a pink bag in his hands that he laid between them.

"It's for you." Louis just simply said.

"F-for me?" Harry asked surprisingly, pointing at himself as he looked at Louis then at the bag then back at Louis.

Louis chuckled. "Yeah, for you. I just-thought you'd like it..." he shrugged. He pulled out the flower crown, holding it delicately as if it could just break down and placed it on top of Harry's curls, smiling widely at the pink on Harry's cheeks and how happy he looked.

"You didn't have to-" Harry started but Louis cut him off.

"You don't like it?" He bit down on his bottom lip, leaning back on the soft couch. "It was just an idea. I could just return it." He shrugged again, trying not to make it such a big deal because it wasn't. Not at all. He thought Harry would like it and it would look good on him but, you know, he could return it and get his money back. No biggie.

"No, no." Harry shook his head, the flower crown falling off a little and him pushing it back up. "I love it, Lou. It's so pretty." Harry grinned. Louis' heart skipped a beat not only at the nickname but also at how bright Harry was beaming. "I just don't want you to waste your money on me."

And at that Louis shook his own head, smiling at the boy. "It's not a waste. I like seeing your smile." Louis said, blushing as soon as it left his mouth because he wasn't supposed to say it out loud, he wasn't supposed to be saying things like that at all. He was Louis, the bad boy, Louis who had no feelings and had a cold heart and was straight.

He quickly looked back at the TV screen just so Harry couldn't see the blush that was starting to spread all over like a rash.

But then Louis felt Harry's lips on his cheek and they probably got even darker now and why — how were Harry's lips so soft?

"Thank you, Louis. Really." Harry whispered, Louis taking note on the green of his eyes and how it was just as pretty as the rest of him.

Louis then watched the boy smile so big that he was certain that his face would split in half then announce he was going go get a drink and as he walked away, the new pale beige and pink flower crown on top of his head, Louis really, really liked how it looked on him and really, really liked how great it felt to make the boy so happy.


	9. The One With All The Pacing

Louis chuckled at his phone screen, his thumb typing away with a huge grin on his face. The TV was going on in the background, it only being muffled noises as he was so focused on his phone. The lad got comfortable on his bed, the springs creaking with every move. He had started to text Harry another joke that he knew would get him sending those cute laughing-crying emojis, when Zayn spoke up.

"Are you really texting Harry? You just talked him before, after, _and_ during work." Zayn had said when he walked into the room with two cans of beers in his hands. His friend seemed exasperated, practically shoving the can into Louis' face.

Louis frowned heavily, locking his phone and sitting up on the messy bed. "What crawled up your arse?" He said, popping the can open and taking a sip.

"Nothing." Zayn told him quickly, settling down next to Louis. But the scowl on his face proved that it wasn't 'nothing', as he said. Louis knew his friend enough to know that 'nothing' almost always was something.

Louis pressed. "Honestly, what's up? Don't you like Harry?" He asked, leaning his body teasingly against Zayn's shoulder, which Louis could feel was all tensed up.

"It's not Harry I don't like."

"Then..?" Louis cocked an eyebrow.

The hazel eyed boy sighed, blinking as he, too, took a sip of his beverage. "I don't like the amount of time you spend with him.

That almost made Louis snort out loud. He did, though, scoff a little, pushing himself off the bed to the small TV right across it, reaching down for his movie cupboard.

He still hadn't responded to what Zayn had told him, even when he was popping in another movie for them to watch, and took the remote back to the bed.

Only after he was comfortable again, having increased the volume of the TV, had he answered.

"Why do you even care?" Louis asked, not taking Zayn seriously at all. It wasn't something to take seriously because to be quite honest, Zayn's opinion on this didn't matter.

It wasn't in his right to tell Louis what he should do with his time and his friend.

And that's exactly what he told Zayn.

"It isn't but-"

"You haven't answered my question. Why do you care?" Louis asked. He was a little irritated but tried his very best to keep things calm. It didn't need to be turned into an argument, he thought. 

Zayn exhaled, shaking his head and murmuring something to himself. "I wouldn't say I care, exactly. But, it's just strange."

"Zee, don't start, please. Enough with this strange thing. I like him now, get over it." Louis could feel his irritation increase with each growing second. He really didn't like the route this conservation was taking.

"You never did, though. Remember, when we would laugh at him and shit, because I do." Zayn said, sounding extremely accusatory.

"Things change, if you didn't notice. I like him, okay?

"You like him?"

"Yes." Louis exhaled himself.

" _Like_ him?" Zayn's voice was laced with urgency, as if he needed the answer that very, very second.

Louis frowned deeply, fully turning his body to face Zayn. His expressions contorted from its once neutral one. "The fuck do you mean?" He said.

For some reason, the question felt like a personal attack. It was just a question, a simple yes or no question, and Louis was aware of that, but there was something about the way Zayn posed it, something about the way he looked while asking and the way he wanted Louis to answer that made him feel uneasy. It felt like a slap.

"What the fuck?" Louis said again. "You think I'm gay? I'm not-Zayn, what the fuck?"

"I'm not saying you are! I'm saying you... may like Harry."

Louis moved off his bed, almost falling off as he tried to regain his balance. "Who are you to decide my feelings for me? I'm-I... I'm not gay!"

"You called him pretty!"

"That was...." Louis couldn't think of a reply.

"You've grown so attached to him in such a weird way. You never act the way you do around me the way you do with Harry. It's so obvious there's something-"

"Fuck you." Louis was filled with rage, from the top of his head, to the tip of his toes. His heart was pounding so hard, he could hear it in his ears, a rapid thumping.

Zayn was saying something, but Louis couldn't hear. He couldn't hear anything but his own loud thoughts, as he scrambled for his phone under the mess that was his bed.

It frustrated him even more that he couldn't find it, but when he did, Louis slipped on his shoes, scurrying out the room and out the house.

He needed out.

*

Louis spent hours just roaming around his neighborhood, then another going back and forth from the tattoo parlor to his apartment building, just thinking.

It was a twenty minute walk, and each time he was at the door of the parlor, in his head, he marked how many minutes he's spent.

By the eightieth minute, his third time back at the parlor, he stopped to lean by the wall, resting his eyes a little.

He didn't even know why he was here. A part of him said it was because he needed the fresh air because he felt so stuffed, but a huge part of him knew he just wanted to see if Harry would be here by chance.

It was nine PM, though, Harry was probably cuddled in one of his pretty sweaters that looked so delicate on him, colors blending well with his skin tone.

Harry.

Louis didn't quite know how to feel. Or how he felt. Perhaps he just didn't know how to put it into words. There was this ache in chest, that made it hard to breath. It was almost a numbing feeling, spreading over and around his chest, swallowing his body whole.

It was almost paralyzing.

Louis could feel vibrations coming from his phone, but he ignored them, scared it would be Zayn.

The lad was so deep in thought, he almost didn't hear the soft pitter patters that came from his left, seeing a tall shadow making its way down the sidewalk when he opened his eyes and fixated them on the bench across.

Louis just expected whoever it was to pass along, to walk past him and go by their night but, instead, they stood next to him, breathing heavily as if they've walked miles.

Just by the way the person smelled, scent invading Louis' nostrils and strangely reminding him of home, he knew it was Harry.

He was so familiar by now. His scent, his touch—Louis shook his head.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked, whispering out into the cold night, clouds of mist going up, and up until they dispersed out of sight

Harry shuffled a little, hitting Louis' shoulder with his own slightly, as he leaned against the wall too.

"Would it be weird if I told you I didn't know?" Louis turned his head to finally look at Harry. It was dark, but Louis could still see his key features. Mostly his glowing eyes, just a shade darker than it would have been in sunlight.

Harry shook his head. "Not really. Maybe you've been wandering around and your feet led you here." He shrugged. "You seem... shaken up. Are you alright?"

Louis sighed. All he wanted to do at that moment was pull out a cigarette but he knew Harry hated the smell of it.

He'd stopped smoking in front of him when Harry had asked him to. It was simple, and of course he obliged.

"I'm," Louis hummed, chewing on the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. "Okay, I guess. Some shit took place... realized some people are not who I thought they were." He scoffed mirthlessly. "Such a mess."

They fell silent for a while. The streets weren't as busy as the morning. It was quiet.

Louis loved the night. It was when the moon and the stars came out, and he'd be at peace. Most nights, when he couldn't sleep, he would look over at his window, that conveniently was only a few feet from his bed, and it always gave him a perfect view of the sky. He learned to love all the unknowns of the sky, and was plunged deep into the wonders of the stars every night.

"And you?" Louis pulled out of his own thoughts, seeming to do the same for Harry as he hummed softly, giving him a confused look.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh." Harry bit his lip. "Same reason you are, I suppose. Looking for a bit air. The house is too stuffy, and quiet."

"What about the kids?"

"Grandma's. They offered to take me but I didn't think it was in my place to accept. Not quite familiar with their grandmother." He shrugged, taking his hand and running it through his long hair.

"I can take you back to my place?" Louis asked, hating how sleazy the words sounded.

"From zero, to a hundred real quick." Harry laughed his melodic laugh, then nodded. "Sure."

Louis figured Zayn had left by now so he knew it'd be safe. He was the last person he wanted to have anything to do with at the moment.

Louis bit his lower lip, watching Harry's grin turn into a small smile. He didn't even realize he was staring up until Harry, shyly, poked his cheek for him to stop.

"What?" The Cheshire lad asked.

Louis looked away, pushing himself off the cold wall and shaking his head. He told him it was nothing, then gestured to his left, starting his twenty minute walk again back to his flat.


	10. The One Where He Forgot How To Breathe

"So you haven't spoken to Zayn since?"

Louis shook his head at Niall, reaching for the ketchup across him.

It was lunch, a Thursday. One of Louis' free days to be exact.

Usually, he'd be at home, on his bed watching shows he's already seen but the same four walls were beginning to be tiresome, suffocating. He would've lost his mind if he hadn't went out and seen someone. Another person that could rid him of his loneliness.

Harry had to drive the kids to school and back, and Zayn... 

"Just because he called you gay?"

Louis rolled his eyes, rubbing his temple as he ate his burger. "It's not that, Niall, I'm not-"

"Homophobic, I know, I know. You've been reminding me this whole time." 

Louis relaxed, glad his friend got it. "Zayn is." He mumbled, his eyes fixating on the bottle of ketchup.

"Don't say that."

"It's true! The only way to explain why he flipped out." Louis continued, as if he was looking for assurance. And maybe he was. Perhaps he was looking for someone to say yes, and agree to everything he was thinking. 

He had been thinking a lot. To the point where he would be caught in another world almost all the time.

"Yeah, _he_ flipped out." Niall said, Louis sensing the judgment in it.

"Niall, if you're on his side then you can tell me right now so I can leave." 

"I'm not on anyone's side!" The blond defended. He then sighed, beginning to chew on his fries. "Maybe you should calm down, rethink things. Zayn was probably trying to just help you figure things out for you."

"There's nothing to figure out! Why is everyone trying to shove this onto me?" Louis was exasperated at this point. He was tired of having to say the same things over and over again, to prove things to others over, and over.

If he was... gay, he'd know. He'd have known from the beginning. It would've been easy to know, wouldn't it? It would've been as simple as knowing where you were from.

Louis sighed.

"No one's doing anything, Lou." Niall said. "But, what if you were? Questioning, I mean. Wouldn't it push you more to the conclusion of all this? If you have that idea planted into your head, it could drive you to think about it at some point, and push you one way. Maybe you are gay, maybe you're bi. Don't you at least want to try and figure yourself out?" 

When Louis stayed quiet, Niall went on. "Do you?"

The tanner boy got up from his stool and turned to the fridge, opening it to pull out a can of beer. "Do I, what?" He muttered, cracking the drink open.

It took Niall a while to answer. "Like him?"

Louis rolled his eyes to the back of his head, groaning under his breath. "Do you really wanna get on my list? I don't, alright. Stop this. I told you I don't. I told Zayn I don't. That should be enough. _Enough._ Please. Can we move on to another subject, because my life definitely isn't the hottest topic right now." He sat back on his stool, not sparing a glance at Niall.

The blond was left silenced, chewing on his fries quietly while he watched Louis' frown grow deeper, as if he was having an inner debate he couldn't hear.

Maybe he was.

*

When Louis' phone went off at three AM, he almost thought, for a quick second, it was his six AM call to get up and go to work. 

The thought of having to leave his warm bed, that brought him so much comfort, was almost offensive.

The alarm sound stopped, then picked up again, the tune ringing around the room and filling Louis' ears—only to annoy him.

A small groan, muffled by his pillow, left his mouth and he moved, blindly reaching for his phone that was placed on the nightstand.

He squinted at it, seeing Harry's name displayed on the screen with a few emojis next top it. (Emojis of what? That was for him to know)

That definitely wasn't an alarm.

Why would Harry be calling him at this hour? 

It didn't matter, though, because Louis was already picking up, his voice slightly hoarse and laced with sleep.

"Haz? What's wrong?"

Louis heard a sob from the other side that made his entire body freeze, as if it went through the greatest shock. "Harry?" He wasn't sure if he was crying, but another sob made him certain he was.

"Lou," Harry's voice sounded so weak, frail, something Louis had never heard before. It was such a contrast from his bubbly self—almost like a darker side of himself he'd shielded from the world. And from Louis. It made him grow even more worried than he already was.  
"I didn't know who else to call," He wheezed, pausing to at least try and regain his breath and be coherent, but that caused him to just cry even hard. "I'm-s-sorry." Harry said so quietly.

Louis didn't even think about it, he didn't think of anything at that moment. He didn't think about how late at night it was. Or how he had work to go to in a few hours. Or how absolutely tired he was.

All that was going through his head was Harry.

Louis was already scrambling off his bed and walking to the end of his room to put his worn out white vans on. He was thinking the worst. Thinking maybe Harry got hurt, someone hurt him, that he was in danger and other horrible ideas that made his heart sink deeper into the pits of his stomach.

"I'm on my way, okay? I'm gonna be right there, just hang tight." He said. That, in some way, must've calmed Harry down because his sobs stopped for a bit. But Louis' heart was still pounding.

*

Louis was about to knock or ring the bell, when he realized, the door was already unlocked. 

He stepped in, plunging into the darkness the house was in, then closed the door behind him, taking his shoes off at the door. 

He maneuvered his way deeper into the place, trying his best not to bump into anything. Which was going great until he stubbed his toe against a furniture, cursing to himself. 

He managed to make it down the hall, feeling for the first door to the right then pushed the door handle down then pushed the door open.

"Harry? It's Louis." He said, closing that door. The lad was nowhere to be seen. Not on the bed, at least. 

Louis frowned. 

Although he couldn't see him, he did hear the soft cries echoing around the room.

So he followed them like a clue to a game he never intended on playing, leading him to the very corner of the room.

Harry was all curled up into himself, softly rocking back and forth as he leaned against the closet door. Louis was sort of glad he barely could see him, because he knew the sight would be hard to swallow.

He never saw him like this, shaking and shivering, eyes blown wide and staring at the ground as if he'd seen death. It was terrifying.

He cautiously crouched down in front of him. Harry seemed so broken, Louis was scared that if he laid one finger on him, he'd completely shatter right before him.

Harry was still crying—sobbing, more like—whole body shaking from his head to the tip of his fingers. 

"Haz," Louis sighed, sitting down and crossing his legs on the floor, Harry pulling his limbs closer to himself. 

All Louis wanted to do was wrap his arms around him, but he didn't think being suffocated was what Harry wanted at that moment.

"What happened?" Louis asked, his hand gently resting atop of Harry's, slowly rubbing his thumb over the back of his palm.

Harry hiccupped, bursting into tears once more. His whole body was shaken up, and he did try to talk, but nothing came out but a string of mumbled, 'Louis's.

The blue eyed boy knew he wasn't good at comforting people. He was always so awkward, and never knew what to say or what to do but he also knew, he needed to shove that to the back of his mind.

Harry needed him, and Louis was aware him simply just being there was some sort of comfort for him.

"Come, get up, the floor's cold." Louis stood up, taking Harry's hands with him but he didn't stand up. The crying boy seemed scared, so Louis said, "We're just going to move to the bed, alright? Isn't it more comfortable?" He still didn't move.

"You trust me right?" Louis whispered, Harry's eyes finally meeting his.

And he nodded.

"So, come. Let me move you to the bed." That was all it took before he was standing up slowly, clutching onto Louis' arm.

The shorter boy led him to the bed, laying him down gently on his side. 

Harry had calmed down, now only hiccuping a few times and sniffling. Louis reached for the cover and put it over Harry.

"I'm gonna get you water, okay? I'll be right back. Is that fine?" 

Again, another small nod.

So Louis went to get the glass, this time without bumping into anything, and was back in Harry's room in less than a minute. 

The boy drank a little, leaving the rest of it on the nighstand next to him. Harry stayed quiet for a bit, but as if he suddenly found his tongue again, he said, "C-Can," A pause, a hiccup. "Can you, please, stay with me?"

Louis sighed. "Oh, baby..." He wiped at his wet cheeks, ridding it of the salty tears. "I don't think I should..."

"Please. Lou," He held onto Louis' hand weakly. "Want you stay with me. Please... Need you." 

Louis couldn't say no. It was impossible with the boy peering into his eyes with blood shot one's. He just couldn't. 

The boy ran his hand over Harry's hair softly—something he'd always wanted to do—and exhaled. 

With a soft nod to the head, Louis went around the large bed, slipping under the cover behind Harry. His back was facing him.

At first, Louis awkwardly laid there, watching Harry breath heavily until he, hesitantly, moved closer to him. He put a hand on his hip, then slowly slipped his arm over Harry's waist. At that moment, it was like he couldn't breath.

Louis was about to pull away, because maybe Harry didn't ask for this. After all, he just asked for Louis to stay, not for him to do any of... _this_ , but just as he was pulling away, Harry moved back into him, now his back pressed flush against Louis' chest. Harry had cuddled into his arms, relaxing into him with every inhale. 

Louis could feel the hairs on Harry's neck tickle his nose, but he didn't say anything else, simply slipping his eyes shut.

He really did not know how to breath.

-

**  
a/n:**

**question of the chapter:**

**this is one of the many important chapters, why do you guys think so?** **and what do you think happened to harry?**

**leave your comments, I'd love to see your thoughts and ideas.**

**\- g**


	11. The One With The Laugh

Louis rolled over on the bed when he woke up the next morning, stretching his limbs softly with eyes still shut.

There was a delicious smell that invaded his nostrils, almost teasing him. He wanted to sleep more, because of how early he woke up the night before, but the smell was so taunting, he almost would rather get up.

The boy fluttered his eyes open, groaning when the sun light beaming through the peaks of the closed curtains almost blinded him. Louis ignored the voice telling him to go back to sleep for just 'five more minutes', but instead, followed the aromatic smell that led him to the kitchen, led him to Harry.

Harry was in the same clothes he was wearing last night, his lilac sweater that reached right above his waist, and sweats. As Louis walked in, he witnessed him singing loudly to the songs blaring through his loud speaker, his voice sounding so angelic over the artist's.

Louis couldn't help but grin fondly as he leaned against the door frame. He watched Harry flip the pancakes and dance around, watched as he swayed his hips to the music bouncing off the walls.

The boy stopped, though, when he turned around to see Louis by the door, his whole face flushing whilst his mouth remained agaped, embarrassed to be caught when he thought he was alone.

"Someone's a morning person." Louis chuckled softly in his own morning voice, walking around the counter to get to the fridge.

Harry bit his smile. Though he seemed embarrassed, he was still smiling his shy smile, serving the food he had made onto two different plates. "It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?

"Seems so." Louis poured himself a glass of juice, leaving the carton on the counter. "What're you making? Smells amazing." He hummed, walking to where Harry stood in front of the stove and peering over his shoulder to look at the pancakes. (He had to get on his tip toes to see over his shoulders, but Louis hoped Harry wouldn't notice)

"Pancakes, chocolate chips. I made you some, too." Harry served the last two then put the full plates on the kitchen island, with forks next to them.

"Oh, what a great house wife. I'm so very lucky." Louis teased playfully, taking a seat and Harry following.

As they ate, Louis felt the urge to ask about last night pressing on his chest. About what exactly happened, because he was still left confused.

He had never seen Harry so distraught and surely, never wanted to see that sight ever again.

It genuinely pained him that Harry would ever feel so badly.

"How'd you sleep, by the way?" He asked first, chewing on his food. Louis figured if he was going to ask, it would be best it wouldn't be the opening to the shaky conversation.

Harry shrugged. "Good, I guess. Had a weird dream, though. Something about us, I don't quite remember."

"Hope it wasn't a wet dream."

Harry gasped and there it was, the same flush on his pink cheeks that caused Louis' heart to swell for some strange reason. "Did not. You're not exactly my type."

It was Louis' turn to gasp. "Excuse you. I am _everyone's_ type." He rebutted, taking the maple syrup from between them and pouring onto his pancakes. "Hot? Check. Romantic? Check. Gentleman with a hint of bad boy in there, just for good measure? Check and check. What more would you want?"

Harry shook his head as a chuckle fell from his mouth. "Immensely cocky? Check." The younger man sing-songed, Louis poking his tongue out at him only for him to do the same.

When their giggles subsided, and they stopped making faces at each other, Louis cleared his throat.

"Are you... Do you want to talk about last night? Like," He nibbled on his lip. "You don't have to. But I just want to make sure that nothing too bad happened. I mean—You just—I don't want you to think you can't talk to me, or whatever else, because you can. I may be an asshole at times, but I'm still your friend nonetheless. And I... care about you, of course. So if it was anything serious, just tell me."

Harry's smile got bigger and bigger as Louis went on.

"You're really cute, Lou. You don't give yourself enough credit." He first said. "But I'm fine, t'was just a bad night, I suppose."

"You sure?"

Harry laughed. "Yes, you sap. Don't worry about me. Gosh, I never knew you had a soft spot."

After cutting a piece of his food and chewing on it, Louis smiled. "Only for you."

*

"You look cute." Was the first thing Louis told Harry when they met up in the evening in the park entrance.

The sun was just starting to set, causing the sky to turn into a mixture of oranges and yellows and whites. Along with that, a soft breeze blew through, making Louis sigh softly as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.

Harry smiled. "Well, thank you." He hummed, looking down at the shorts he was wearing with his normal band shirt.

"I'm treating you to ice cream, by the way." Louis informed as they walked into the park, being surrounded by infants and parents and teens with dogs.

"Ooh, you really are romantic." The taller boy retorted, causing Louis to very lightly punch his arm.

As they walked, Louis looked over at a beaming Harry. He was radiating so much brightness, Louis actually debated whether he was the sun. So much brightness radiated off of him, the older man could be blinded.

Louis really didn't want to go home.

He knew he had to, eventually—that Harry would eventually get tired of him but—he was so happy and content just being here with Harry.

He was a much brighter person, more bubbly and talkative and just overall so much better with Harry around. It was like when he was there, this new version of Louis would come out with the snap of a finger, and he didn't even mind. He liked it like this. Liked himself like this.

Which was why he didn't want to go home because that would mean locking himself up in his room and reverting back to his shell, it meant leaving him with thoughts he didn't want to think about. But here, he could shove all his problems deep into the back of his mind, for him to take care of later on.

It was a nice feeling that he didn't want to stop feeling.

Louis shook his head when Harry talked to snap himself out of whatever trance he was in. 

"Lemme just warn you, the serving sizes are huge." Harry told him, pointing at the shop in the middle of the car only a couple of metres away.

"Big servings? I don't think size matters." Louis smirked a little to himself at his dirty joke, and waited several seconds for effect before adding, "When it comes to ice cream." He giggled

Harry gasped. "I am a child, I don't need your bad influence." He tutted, shaking his head at him.

Louis smirked. "I believe I am the best influence there is. You've corrupted yourself."

The curly haired lad gasped another time. "Me? Corrupt myself? Never. It was all you, Louis."

"So you're saying you'd rather not hang out with this me?" He looked at him as they walked.

Harry shook his head. "Never said that. I think you look too cute, and small in that hoodie of yours for me to not hang out with you."

Louis immediately turned beetroot red, punching Harry's shoulder. But not enough to hurt. Never enough to hurt.

"I am not small! How very dare you, Styles. I'm at least 5'9." He argued, nibbling on his bottom lip before he let a small chuckle fall from his lips.

Harry chuckled. "Yeah, _of course_ , you are." He licked over his lips.

Louis knew, as they walked, he should have been watching the path in front of them, but he couldn't. Harry was so beautiful in the soft light of the peeking sun rays that would shine down every few seconds before getting covered again.

And the breeze made it just right but he still pulled Harry a little closer when it blew by, pretending to be cold but just wanting him pressed against him.

Louis couldn't help but be ashamed when he felt his chest act some time of way at the closeness of his friend.

But, he felt safe with him and he forgot his problems for a little while, so if that only happened when Harry was around, then Louis would take walks with him everyday. Rain or shine.

Preferably shine, though, but he couldn't control weather. 

Unsurprisingly, as they walked into the shop, the air got cooler, making Louis rub his arms to find warmth.

As Louis looked around, he thought about how cutely decorated the shop was. It was pink, (shocker) with little cartoon ice cream stickers stuck onto the glass window. They had a lot of different flavours Louis absolutely despised, like mint chocolate chip ice cream, (Why associate brushing your teeth with ice cream?) and mango. (Which, wasn't as bad as mint ice cream, but Louis just hated mango)

Louis obviously knew Harry's favorite, strawberry ice cream.

He got vanilla with chocolate sprinkles on top while he ordered for Harry.

Harry seemed surprised that Louis remembered his favorite, in which he said, "What? Louis can be attentive, too." Then winked at him.

As they walked out, Louis was beginning to feel glad he got a smaller size, since he always made a mess with the food. He almost always managed to drop the ice cream or stain his shirt like a five year old, but the scoop was small, so the casualties lessened.

"You know, there are a few wild animals here." Harry told him as they took another path, that had less people.

"Really?" Louis looked at Harry as he talked about the animals that surrounded the park, smiling. "I love animals." He said, mostly to himself, licking at his ice cream as they walked down the new path.

It took a few minutes of walking deeper into this path for them to spot a little bunny nibbling on food behind a tree. The bunny hopped onto the path, clearly looking for more food. It looked up at the two, twitched it's whiskers before hopping away.

"I've always wanted a bunny." Louis spoke up, watching the animal disappear behind a cluster of trees, making rustling noises. "But Mum was always so scared of them, so we never got one." Louis shook his head, licking the top of his cone off, tongue sliding across his bottom lip.

He could feel Harry staring but didn't look to check, continuing to walk straight.

"Scared of a bunny?" Harry asked, eating. "They're so cute, though. Practically harmless."

"That's what I told my Mum, I swear, she never budged. Never even tried. It was quiet funny." Louis saw a bench and took a seat, Harry following.

"There was this one night, a baby bunny, so tiny probably only a few weeks old, hopped into our living room, eleven PM. It got lost in the house, but that night, nobody slept because of Mum." He smiled a little at the memory.

Harry grinned. "Do you still talk to her?"

"Barely. And when she does call, I don't pick up. We have a complicated relationship." He shrugged, lowering down his ice cream cone.

Harry bit his lip, and pointed at Louis' ice cream. "Hey, what's that?"

Louis frowned and brought it closer. "What-" He was interrupted when the top of the food got pushed into his nose.

He widened his eyes. "You little," Instead of saying anything, Louis pushed Harry's ice cream into his own nose.

"You got a little something on your nose." Harry joked, pointing at Louis' nose.

The boy hummed. "Really? Where?"

When Harry laughed, Louis really could not help but smile, leaning against the bench as he watched the lad's face contort, his smile taking half of his face and his eyes crinkling happily. It was _such_ a pretty sound (and sight), so light, and... God, he could listen to it all day. It was as if angels were playing harps and singing in unison.

It was then, that Louis recognized the way his stomach was flipping in ways he couldn't understand.

And it was then that he realized he was so fucked.


	12. The One Where He Couldn't Drink It Away

"You're gonna have to talk to me eventually, you know?"

Was the first thing Zayn told him when Louis walked into the shop.

He had just woken only a couple minutes ago, his hair still disheveled and sleep still lidding his eyes. So this talk really could have fallen on a better time.

Zayn could've brought it up the whole of last week, but, no, he chose the day Louis was most sleep deprived. _Perfect_ , he thought.

"Oh, I have to, now? Didn't know it had to be done by force, sorry. Thanks for informing me, though." Louis didn't even spare Zayn. Holding back a sharp reply was beyond him.

Zayn blinked, surprise written nowhere on his face because he knew his friend enough by now. "I'm assuming you have more of those, so how about you empty your tank first, so we can have an adult conversation."

Louis went to the back of the parlor to drop his stuff, annoyed that Zayn chose to follow him.

He didn't reply, and Zayn must've taken that as a chance to continue. (It really wasn't)

"You're acting childish, Lou. We need to talk about this. So I thought you might be gay, it's not the end of the world." He said.

Louis scoffed. "You know what? I think you were just jealous."

Now Zayn scoffed, even louder than Louis did. "Of what?"

"Harry. You're jealous I've been spending so much time with him. You can't stand the fact that I have other friends, it's that isn't it?" 

Louis could admit, throwing empty accusations that most likely were false, wouldn't lead anywhere but Louis wasn't about to let him step all over him, again. 

"Even if it were true, which it really isn't, I don't think I'd be questioning your sexuality. And look, I know I have no right to tell you what you are, or aren't, I know-"

"You don't." Louis cut, just to really push it into his head.

The dark haired man let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head and leaning against the lockers.

"He was here, you know?" Zayn told him, which made Louis frown. "This morning, was lookin' for you."

Zayn bit his lip, leaning against the wall. "He asked, randomly, if you ever talk about him, I told him all the time." Zayn chuckled a little, Louis narrowing his eyes.

"He asked if you ever mention him, Louis. And by the way he asked, it sounded like a preteen asking about her crush. Whatever you're doing, you're leading him on. And granted, I never quite liked him, but if _you_ don't like him, as you say, don't lead him on. Tell him. He at least deserves that." His friend finished, sighing softly.

He left, leaving Louis to stand there, to stare at the wall.

*

"What is a pretty boy like you doing here drinking on his own?"

Louis was pulled out of his deep thought, looking up from his empty shot glass to the girl next to him.

He was way past drunk at this point, but somehow, all the alcohol coursing through his veins wasn't enough. He tried Jack, he tried gin but he could still feel the growing void in his chest he tried so hard to fill. Yes, every time he swallowed the drink down, his throat would burn even harder, but if it could stop this, press a pause on life, he'd keep on drinking.

Louis looked at the girl, looking over her face slowly. The dark club made it hard for him to tell her features, but she was still cute. Wasn't much, but still cute.

"Danielle." She held out a hand, Louis slowly taking it to shake it. 

"Louis." He slurred.

Just by the way the girl was touching his shoulder and back, nimble fingers traveling up and down, Louis knew she wasn't just looking for a conversation.

No one here was just looking for a conversation. They're all either drinking to forget, or hooking up to forget.

Neither better than the other.

"You still haven't answered my question," She whispered in his ear, almost seductively, and it made Louis want to retreat—but he stopped himself from doing so.

"You see, Danielle, sometimes one simply doesn't have anyone to drink with. Or, they're trying to get rid of feelings they do not want to feel. Sadly, both seem to be the case right now."

Louis hadn't always been a sad drunk. Usually, he'd be in the center of the dance room, flirting with everyone he saw, but now, he didn't have the heart to do anything. 

Danielle didn't seem to quite catch that, though. "I can help with that, if you want." She suggested, fingers digging into his hair. 

The way her fingers felt on him was such a big contrast to Harry's. His was softer, gentler, hers wanted one thing and would pry off him as soon as she got it. 

He missed Harry. 

"C'mon, you take me to your place. I'll make you feel all better?" She kissed his cheek, her hand on Louis' bicep and pulling him towards her, urging him to get up. And Louis didn't want to, he really would rather drown in vodka and self pity, but his feet followed her anyway.

It was as if they had a mind of their own, because they led him, and Danielle, to his flat, and into it, and to his room.

His mind was telling him no, screaming and pleading no, but he felt he had to, as his lips connected to Danielle's, and her hands sneaked down his chest.

It was way too late by now for Louis to stop. His body was limp, and similarly, so was his mind.


	13. The One With The Mistake

Louis woke up to a great pounding on his temple, drumming against his head so loud that he could swear he heard it.

His whole body ached. Limbs, head, stomach—he felt like he was thrown off a flight of stairs and another flight of stairs.

As he moved, trying to reach for his phone to check for the time, nausea washed over him like it had never before, rushing him to his bathroom and making him throw up into his toilet bowl.

As he threw up, he could almost taste the alcohol coming back up, remembering the burning of his throat from that night, alluding him to many other memories; Flashing lights, and glistening bodies.

He didn't remember much else from last night except for that. Nothing but greedy hands roaming up and down his shoulder. How many drinks did he have? He wasn't sure. It had to be a handful, maybe a mixture of things, for his hangover to be this bad.

Once he emptied his stomach content, no longer being able to heave any longer because of exhaustion, Louis flushed the toilet and reached for the medicine cabinet, scrambling through the many pills and looking for the ones that could rid him of all this.

He sighed in relief once he did, taking three and swallowing dry.

His eyes scanned over his tired face, looking at himself with a rather disgusting look on his face. He was a fright.

His eye bags were more noticeable than ever, looking like he hadn't slept a day in his life.

He felt like he hadn't.

Three bells went off downstairs, ripping Louis away from the thoughts he always seemed to be in.

He slowly and steadily made his way downstairs, knowing if he went any faster he'd throw up right on his living room floor. Louis was already starting to feel the affects of the medicine, though, definitely feeling better than he did when he woke up.

One positive, at least.

Harry was stood by the door once Louis opened it, seeing him grin brightly at him, his signature grin that reached his eyes. One that showed off his set of teeth and his dimples.

Louis smiled warmly. "Hey, H." He mumbled, leaving the door open for the lad to step in, him walking to the kitchen.

"Did I wake you up?" Louis heard Harry ask from behind him, softly shaking his head.

"What time is it?" Louis murmured, making himself some coffee, not thinking he could stomach food at the moment. Even though his head was feeling better, his body still felt very heavy, as if it were a burden that had been thrown upon him against his own accord. He needed something to boost him up that weren't pills.

"Around two? Woke up a bit late, didn't we. You look a little pale,though, are you okay?" Harry questioned, hopping up on the counter, legs swaying back and forth.

Louis touched his face, then poured the coffee into a large mug, turning around to face Harry. "I might be a little hungover. And by little, I mean a shit ton."

Harry pouted. "Drinking without me, Tommo? Thought we were best buds."

Louis smiled, taking a sip of the bitter coffee he made and making a face. "I wasn't exactly the best last night," He opened one of his cabinets to get the cubes of sugar. "Be glad you weren't there to witness it. I drank so much, everything is almost a giant blur."

He sighed, closing his eyes for a bit. Whatever he forgot couldn't have been that important, or else he wouldn't have forgotten it, right? 

"You know what would make me feel better, though?" Louis said once he opened his eyes again, using a spoon to mix the sugar with his coffee. "One of your delicious, delicious chocolate chip pancakes." He wiggled his eyes at Harry, the boy on the counter chuckling slightly.

"Of course, of course. After all, I'm a great house wife, aren't I? You have to help, though."

At that, Louis shook his head with his lip jutting out a little. "Louis' ill," He whined. "He can't do anything. If he moves one single finger, he just might collapse. Do you really want that on your shoulder, me collapsing?"

"I'm not making it if you won't help, don't care how hangover you are." Harry crossed his arms over his chest, looking pointedly at Louis.

"Haz," He whined, dragging the 'z', as he put the mug down to get closer to Harry. "Why must you be this way? I would do it for you."

"Lou, you can't cook for shit."

Louis gasped, but then after a second nodded in agreement. "Good point. But, if I could have, I would do. Even now, I'd try my best to make you something, and you," He shook his head, hand on his chest as if his heart was aching. "Won't even make me a few pancakes to soothe the horrible, horrible pain I'm in." He dramatically sighed, dabbing at his eyes. Harry just watched him amusingly. "You are _such_ a friend. Truly warms my heart."

The curly haired lad shook his head. "I'll make some if you end your little scene here."

Louis grinned. "Done."

"Where would you be without me?" Harry asked, getting off the counter and beginning to look for the pans.

"Most likely dead, of starvation." Louis picked his mug up again from the marble counter and taking another sip. It was still a bit bitter, but at least it was bearable and his headache _almost_ disappeared.

As Harry got the ingredients out, what Zayn told him the day before wandered into Louis' head, making him frown softly down at the black pool of the biting drink he had in his hands.

It really struck a cord to him.

He realized how unfair it would be on Harry if he did have feelings for him, when Louis was so... confused. Louis wasn't even ready to admit anything to himself. He hadn't even _acknowledged_ there were things he needed to admit to himself, he couldn't make Harry wait while he made up his mind.

"Lou?" The boy brought the lad back to earth, making him hum in question. "Did you hear me?" He asked, in which Louis shook his head, giving him an apologetic look.

"The kids, their parents are moving them."

Louis frowned. "Where to?"

"Cheshire, where the parents are."

Louis frowned deeply. "Are... you going with them?" Just the thought of having Harry moving brought back his nauseousness.

But, thank God, Harry shook his head. "No, no. I'm staying here. It's a bit sad having to say goodbye but," Harry shrugged. "Was bound to happen."

"I'm sorry." Louis said once he saw the look on Harry's.

He tried to cover it, though, smiling at Louis instead. "It's nothing. I still have a couple of weeks with them. They leave right after school closes. But, anyway, I couldn't leave you behind. I'd miss you too much."

Louis chortled, nodding. "As would I. After all, we've all established that I'm your prince, your night in shining armor."

"Does that," Harry smiled shyly. "Make me your princess?"

The corner of Louis' mouth lifted up instantly, poking Harry's red cheeks as he nibbled down onto his bottom lip. "Every prince needs a princess, don't they?"

The blush that brushed past Harry's cheeks looked so pretty, and got darker as the second. Louis couldn't explain how good it felt in his chest to know that he was the cause of that smile and that blush, and _that_ giggle. He was about to utter something until the doors of the kitchen swung open and hit the wall behind it.

"Why would you leave me all alone upstairs?" The voice from behind said obnoxiously, Danielle walking up to Louis and wrapping herself around him. She was wearing one of Louis' shirt, probably nothing else, and kissed his cheek and down to his jaw. The lad shivered.

_Fuck. Shit._

Louis completely forgot she was here. He knew he had been forgetting something crucial, but couldn't quite lay his finger on it, he knew there was something nagging at him and couldn't see what it was. Until now.

Louis looked at Danielle, then at Harry. He could swear he could see Harry's expression completely change, his smile falling so quickly, Louis' heart ached.

He looked hurt, something Louis never thought he would be the cause of, and hated that he was.

"U-um, Harry, this is Danielle. Danielle, Harry." Louis had to say something. He couldn't just stand there and stare at Harry, him staring back at him when this girl, who he thought would be gone by morning, was all over him.

He felt disgusting.

"Nice to meet you." Harry mumbled, nodding. There was a fog of silence that fell over the three, it being so thick Louis felt suffocated. "Um," The curly haired lad cleared his throat and stepped away from the stove he was about to cook on. "I just remembered, I have somewhere to be. Some job interview, uh." He cleared his throat again, nervousness apparent. "I'll see you around, Louis."

And he left. Just like that.

And Louis hated this feeling brewing in his chest, because this, this was worse than any hungover he could've gotten.


	14. The One Where The Euphoric Feeling Disappeared.

"Okay, who would like to come to the board and solve this equation?"

Nobody raised their hands, nobody jumped to answer, no one even uttered a word to what the teacher was asking.

For once, the class was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, something the teacher would be happy about–because finally, a moment where the room wasn't roaring with noise so loud, he'd go home with a headache–but this wasn't the time, Mr. Richards actually wanted a reply.

"Louis. How about you come and try." The teacher pushed his thick glasses over his large nose, eyes fixated on Louis who was sitting at the far back of the class, where he tried to hide behind many heads.

Louis looked up with wide eyes, glancing over at the rest of the class. Some were staring back, some snickering, some giving him pity looks for his misfortune.

He wasn't prepared for this situation, especially since Math wasn't his strong point. In fact, he despised Math, and it seemed, Math despised him too.

But he knew, by the way his teacher stood patiently at the other side of the room tapping the desk with the end of a pencil, that he had to. No choice there.

So he got up from his tiny desk, his chair screeching loudly as it slid against the hard ground. He slowly walked down his row, feeling as if he was walking to his death penalty.

Granted, when you're thirteen, just about anything can feel like a death penalty, but walking to the front of the class was worse than anything possible. Louis might despise that more than the equation itself.

But Louis couldn't let the look of fear show on his face, let alone let his class mates see it.

So he smiled at the teacher, taking the board marker he handed to him. "Sir, we all know very well I hadn't raised my hand. And you asked a question. So, if you asked a question and I didn't raise my hand, that means I don't know the answer. Sir." He said, content when he heard chuckling behind him.

Mr. Richards on the other hand wasn't amused, and just hummed. "No matter what you say, Mr, Tomlinson, I won't leave you off the hook."

At that Louis groaned, walking closer to the board.

He had to stall. There were six minutes left, according to the clock above the door, and usually, they ring the bell five minutes before the lesson ended. That gave him a minute. If he could stall for one minute, he would be free.

That was easy.

"How's the wife, Sir? Heard she was quite poorly. Nothing serious, I hope?" He asked, lowering down his marker.

The teacher blinked. "She's fine. Thank you for your concern."

Louis pressed his lip together. "You sure?"

"Equation, Louis."

The class erupted into a fit of laughter once more.

"I'm simply just wondering, is that so wrong? By the way, how was the Easter vacation? I ate loads of chocolate, too much probably—"

"Louis—"

"It was quite nice. What about you? Still growing that mustache I see-"

And there it was, the sweet, sweet sound of the alarm bell screaming for the students to get to lunch. And his escape.

Louis closed the cap of the marker and handed it back to the teacher with a sweet smile, walking back to his place to pack his stuff up.

When they were dismissed, Louis closing his bag, a small, folded up note fell from it. He hadn't noticed, and would've followed everyone else to the cafeteria but when he stepped on it, the crumpling noise it made caught his attention.

He frowned down, crouching to pick it up. His name was written neatly on the front, a handwriting he knew too well.

He smiled.

_Louis, meet me behind the school at lunch._

_Stan x_

The boy's smile got wider by the second, closing the note again.

Just the thought of meeting his friend made butterflies kick in his stomach, a small tint brush past his cheeks and his smile turn into a grin.

Should he even call Stan his friend? Given they'd both admitted to liking each other, he couldn't just be his friend, right?

Louis wasn't sure.

The memory of them telling each other was still a fond one in the young boy's mind.

Louis didn't even know it was possible to have crushes on others boys, and that they would have crushes on him. All his life, he was simply thought that it should be a boy and a girl. He saw it in his parents, on TV, at school. It became such a norm for him, to know that it was possible to derail was strange. But felt great. It was a mixed feeling for Louis.

It was at his house, he remembered, on his steps of his front door after a game of footie.

They were talking about this guy in their class, about how many girlfriends he had.

Then Stan told him he didn't want a girlfriend, in which Louis asked what he wanted.

Stan didn't seem sure, so he stayed quiet.

That was when Louis kissed his cheek. And they both blushed, and shyly moved closer to each other.

It was then that Louis acknowledged the fluttering of his chest as he looked into Stan's eyes, and held his soft hand. His friend never said he felt the same but, Louis could only hope he did.

Louis smiled at the memory, walking out his class.

"You're a nuisance, Tomlinson."  
He heard his teacher say, but he didn't reply, he didn't have time—not when Stan was waiting for him.

*

"Hello." Louis said as soon as he saw Stan leaning against the wall.

"Hi." He replied quietly, shooting the boy a small smile while he kicked a pebble in front of him softly.

The butterflies kicked again.

Louis raised his bag strap higher on his shoulder, looking up to shyly glance at his friend.

"Why'd you call me here?" Louis asked curiously, moving over to lean on the wall next to Stan, feeling the boy shove his shoulder gently.

His friend smiled, looking at his shoes.

"I, uh, wanted to ask you something."

"If you're gonna ask for my homework, Stan, I swear..."

He laughed, making Louis smile a little at the sweet sound. "That's for later, please." Stan said, running a hand through his hair, then cleared his throat. Then coughed. It was as if he was stalling. And maybe he was.

"Louis, um, you know... There's no-There's not not an awkward way to say this. I mean, I've never asked anyone before... and, um. I-I..." Stan looked so cute all flustered and stuttering, that was all Louis could think about. 

"What is it, come on?" Louis urged him to spill.

"Okay, okay. I just, was thinking a lot about you... and us. And um, I just want you to..." 

Louis could feel his heart beat picking up, and his fingers start shake.

Was he about to..?

They both smiled at each other.

"Boyfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend." Stan finished, blushing darkly. He could not stop staring at his shoes and Louis couldn't help the way his eyes lit up. "Would you?"

To answer his question, Louis shyly leaned in and pecked Stan's lips.

The feeling that arose in his chest was absolutely magical. That was the only word going through his head. Magical. Because it was. That, and Stan. He felt euphoric-and yes, the kiss was short lived, but God, it was all he needed.

That euphoric feeling was quickly put to a halt, though.

"Oh my god! Louis Tomlinson is a f*g!" A disgusted scream ripped his thoughts in half.

Kids laughed, making Louis pull away quickly, watching as people hurried in to watch what was going on, as if it was a show. As if they were a show.

Stan told Louis to ignore them, but no. He had never been laughed at, usually he'd make people laugh. That was how it worked, that was how it _always_ worked. People laughed at his jokes, not at him. Never at him.

That wasn't how it was supposed to be.

They laughed, and laughed, even when Louis begged them to stop.

They never stopped.

\--

**a/n:**

**i hope this helps some of you understand where Louis' internal homophobia came from.**

**poor fetus Lou, though.**


	15. The One Where He Could've Exploded

**To Blondie:** Ni

I need you to answer something for me

 **From Blondie:** Louis I'm sitting next to you .

 **To Blondie:** I mean, tru

But I can't ask you this face to face

It's embarrassing...

 **From Blondie:** Ooh what is it ??

 **To Blondie:** Stop wiggling your eyebrows and I'll tell you

God, don't make this awkward

 **From Blondie:** I am doing nothing at all .

You're making this awkward yourself .

 **To Blondie:** Niall

 **From Blondie:** Oh , sorry .

Do go on .

 **To Blondie:** Jfc

How does a heart attack feel?

Because I might just have that

 **From Blondie:** Was that the question ? Why you stopped Civil War , to tell me you're gonna have a heart attack you're not gonna have .

 **To Blondie:** Not my fault you didn't watch it earlier

Like, this came out what? 2 months ago?

 **From Blondie:** You've been telling me that for five years .

 **To Blondie:** Actually 2 months

 **From Blondie:** Get to the point quickerrrr .

Now you're giving me a look

 **To Blondie:** Okay um

How did you know exactly?

 **From Blondie:** What are you talking about mate ??

 **To Blondie:** You know...

 **From Blondie:** Louis I really don't

Tell mee

 **To Blondie:** Don't make me say it

 **From Blondie:** You brought this conversation you're gonna have to

 **To Blondie:** Gay

How did you know you were gay

Gosh gotta spell out everything

 **From Blondie:** Oh

Wow

Where is this coming from ?

 **To Blondie:** Just answer before I explode omg

 **From Blondie:** Wouldn't want that

 **To Blondie:** Yeah blood and guts on the walls

 **From Blondie:** On me especially

I just bought this sweater , like no thanks

 **To Blondie:** I die and you care more about your sweater

Woooooooooooooow

 **From Blondie:** Did you cost a hundred pounds ?

No I don't think so , so stfu

 **To Blondie:** Your friend  > Sweater

 **From Blondie:** Hundred pounds sweater  > 0 pound friend

 **To Blondie:** Goodbye

 **From Blondie:** You haven't even moved

 **To Blondie:** Because I'm waiting for you to ANSWER

Which you still haven't btw

 **From Blondie:** It's not really a clear answer

 **To Blondie:** We have all night go on

 **From Blondie:** Well ,

Don't even know where to start

Hmmm

Okay , the first time I liked another guy was when I was 14 .

I didn't think about how wrong it was or that I shouldn't .

All I knew was that I loved him .

At least what I thought was love back then

 **To Blondie:** Was he your friend?

 **From Blondie:** Best friend actually

We did everything together

 **To Blondie:** Did you ever tell him?

 **From Blondie:** I never told anyone

Until now , at least

Anyway , even after him , I still called my self straight .

I still fawned over girls like my mate did , thinking that was what I was supposed to do .

I questioned my sexuality when I was 15. So the next year.

I thought I was bi. I remembered I cried, and told one of my friends who bless him was so supportive

 **To Blondie:** Why'd you cry?

 **From Blondie:** Fear

I was scared of telling people, my parents

I was mostly scared of telling my parents because they were very conservative

Fast track to a whole year of doubting and holding the bi flag up, I started questioning again

It wasn't till a month after my 16th birthday that I called myself gay

And it fit

 **To Blondie:** How did you know it fit

 **From Blondie:** Okay so I thought about possibly spending the rest of my life with a woman , about having a house , building a family and it didn't sound appealing .

I knew I couldn't ever love a woman just because it wasn't in me

I can't give a woman everything that I have like I can with a man

Everything clicked and well , here I am

 **To Blondie:** Well

What about everyone else's opinion?

 **From Blondie:** What do you mean ?

 **To Blondie:** Like, you didn't care what anyone thought?

Or, like were scared of being judge

Idk

 **From Blondie:** No ? All that mattered for me was that I finally figured myself out , and was finally content with who I was . I didn't care what anyone thought , not my parents , not my friends , or brother or whatever , becos after spending years confused as fuck , I wouldn't trade that feeling of freedom for anything in the world , no matter anyone's opinions . I wasn't going to hide who I was for anyone

 **To Blondie:** Wow

 **From Blondie:** Indeed

Did it help you ?

In whatever you were trying to discover ?

 **To Blondie:** I don't know


	16. The One With All The Smoking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!

Louis let out a loud, little exaggerated sigh pushing himself off the wall.

"Where is he?" Liam asked, looking at the older man him then towards the direction Zayn went.

"I'll give him five minutes, if he's not here by then, we're having lunch without him." Louis said, a frown contorting his entire face, lips turned down. He looked at his phone and huffed.

He hadn't been in the best mood, lately.

He wasn't sure what is was exactly.

Lack of sleep?

Stress?

Or maybe it was the fact that Harry had been ignoring him for the past twelve days, and fourteen hours. (He had been counting)

Harry wasn't totally ignoring him, he still picked up Louis' calls, but it was different. He was so different.

The conversations were short and they were quick, and Harry always had an excuse for the question, 'Do you wanna come over?'

_Another job interview, sorry._

_Oh, I have to take the kids out._

_There's this big event... at home, I can't._

_I'm sick, maybe later?_

_I'll make it up to you. See you._

It got to a point where Louis just gave up.

He knew when he wasn't wanted, and he wasn't the type to chase after someone, especially when it was someone who didn't want his company anymore.

Louis Tomlinson definitely would never stoop that low as to go after someone like that, no matter how close he was to the person.

He heard the message loud and clear, Harry didn't need to tell him that he didn't want to be around him anymore.

Although, no matter how much of a big front Louis tried to put, no matter how hard he tried to keep his ego intact and pretend that this wasn't affecting him at all, he couldn't deny that Harry was always on his mind. He couldn't deny that his nights were filled with thoughts of him, every breath he took, every exhale he released. And he missed him.

He truly did miss him, every single part of Harry. He missed his laugh, and his long hair, his eyes that were so, so easy to get lost in.

He longed to see the way they sparkled when he talked about things he loved.

He missed the deep topics he got into at two AM, and the way his eyebrows furrowed cutely, and how he talked even slower.

Louis scoffed at himself, feeling absolutely pathetic.

He pulled out his pack of cigarette, pulling out the last of it along with his lighter.

"Shit, isn't that your second pack, today?" Liam stared at Louis with wide eyes. eyebrows raised high as Louis threw the empty pack in the bin.

He just shrugged, lighting up the cigarette and quickly sucking in the toxic smoke that relieved him of so much.

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?" Liam stood a few feet in front of the lad, hands in his pockets as he looked over his face annoyed face.

Louis only scoffed, again. "Since when did you give a fuck?" He grumbled, sighing and blowing out the smoke only for it to whiz into the sky and disperse, polluting the air around them.

Liam hummed. "Well, I guess I care a little. You are my co-worker after all. Or are you my boss-?"

"Get to the point." Louis grew irritated quickly, bit by bit. He just wanted to be left to his cigarette, left to dwell on his problems and pretend they weren't there.

"If I let you keep on smoking - which I'm sure you will considering, if you had twenty in one day, you'd definitely want more - you might just die of cancer right in front me, and I need my paycheck."

Louis rolled his eyes, taking another, long, drag.

"It's because of Harry, isn't it?"

Louis almost flinched at the name, not helping the scowl he threw at Liam. He stared at him for a minute, as he licked over his lips, not saying a word. He needed to recollect his thoughts, rearrange his mind before he said anything. "What... What did he tell you?"

Liam shrugged. "Not much. Remember, we're not that close, but, from what he has told me, he seems to be hurting. And by the looks of it, so are you." He shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "Said he feels stupid for thinking there was a thing happening, that you didn't know what you wanted. I didn't quite know what he meant by that, but I'm assuming you do?"

Louis looked hard at his stick of cancer, watching smoke come out of the tip of it and blowing over it softly. "That's not fair." He told him through his teeth, flicking his cigarette, stepping on the ash that fell from it. "It's not _fair_ , I may not know what I want, but... but I never said there was a thing. I never insinuated there was something! At least... I didn't try to." He started to walk away, but then walked back. "I didn't ask for this! Why does everyone want to point the finger at me? I'm suffering too. My head's been going crazy for-for-fuck," Louis squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. His shoulder's drooped, feeling completely defeated as he rubbed his temple. "I never meant to hurt him, that's not what I wanted."

"Maybe you should tell that to him-"

"The fuck is happening here? Is he okay?" Zayn pointed at Louis who was slowly pacing, fingers in his hair and clearly tugging at it.

The lad stopped, pressed his lips together, and took another drag, feeling the toxins fill his lungs to the brim.

"We were just about to leave." Louis gave Liam one last look and led the way.


	17. The One Where He Was Everything At Once

_You have to do this, Louis. It's not hard.  
Just breathe in, breathe out, relax. And get out of the car.  
Simple. Just get out of the car. _

But, somehow, the inner pep talk didn't work. His body couldn't–wouldn't–budge.

Louis urged and urged, but he just wouldn't move.

Fear overtook his whole body, swallowing it whole, like a predator with its prey.   
He was terrified of the consequences, terrified of just... saying it.

The only thing Louis could think about was going back—turning his car around and disappearing into the night, and he still could. He could turn back and pretend none of this ever happened, go back to the way things were, but... He didn't want to go back to the way things were.

_Don't be such a wimp._

Louis pulled out his phone and dialed a number, leaning back on his seat as he sighed.

"I can't do it." He said once the person on the other end picked up.

Liam cleared his throat. He must've been busy since his background was extremely loud, filled with chattering and music. Maybe at a party. "Louis? What're you talking about?"

"I don't know why I called you, you were there, and I just pressed without thinking, I–"

"No," He cut. "It's fine. What's wrong, though? What can't you do?"

Louis squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them again, all this would be off his shoulder, done and dealt with. That he'd be in his bed, back to day one. The day where he didn't have to deal with all of this.

But he tried that before, and well, it never worked.

"Tell him. I tried taking your advise, but I can't. I've been parked in front of his driveway for twenty minutes now, and I just cannot do it. I can't muster up the courage, Liam, I can't." Louis frustratedly hit his steering wheel.

"Hey... It's normal to feel scared, it's human. Acknowledge that first. Then, you need to put that behind you because you're stronger than the fear. Know that doing this is important. For you, for Harry. If you don't do it, you'll just keep hurting, you'll still be carrying the weight. And it must be heavy, right?"

Louis hummed.

"Then, just another reason to do it. Something like this won't beat down Louis Tomlinson, please." Liam finished, and Louis couldn't help but laugh.

"Stroking my ego, nice tactic." He grinned, leaning his head on his rolled up window.

"I do try." Liam laughed on the other end. "I really think you can do it. Don't beat yourself up."

The boy bit the inside of his cheek. "Why are you so nice to me? I've been nothing but a dick to you."

Louis could hear Liam smile.

"That may be true, but we still work together, don't we? We may not be friends, but we're coworkers and that's enough for me."

Louis smiled gratefully. He truly felt touched. "Thank you. Honestly, that means a lot."

"You're welcome. Good luck, alright? Call me later and tell me what happens."

Louis agreed and said goodbye, ending the call. He smiled at his phone for a couple of seconds before he was reaching for the car keys and pulling them out.

He was ready.

Well, as ready as he could tell himself he was.

The walk to the door was short, but every step Louis took, made it seem even shorter.

He was knocking before he knew it.

There was a voice in his head screaming at him to go back before it was too late, to run and run—but he pushed that way back, into the crevices of his mind, and focused on the noises coming from inside.

_Turn back, turn back, turn ba–_

"Louis?"

He gulped, clutching onto his phone for dear life.

"Harry." He breathed, his eyes scanning over the taller boy's face, looking over the way his eyes widened and his jaw fell just a little.

It had been so long. But he never forgot anything.

Harry's face was practically imprinted on his eyelids, every time he blinked, he saw him.

He looked so pretty, so cuddly in his big, purple sweater covering his body. He also had his hair up in a bun, and Louis almost pulled him into his body.

"Um, come in, I guess?" Harry said, stepping out of the way and opening the door wider. Louis walked in.

Everything made his heart ache, from the way Harry looked to the familiar way the house smelled, like it always had. It was all so comforting, Louis didn't want to leave.

"Why're you here?"

Louis sat on the couch. "What a nice welcome. I'm here to visit my friend, of course. Or has that title been revoked?"

He didn't come here to fight, but he couldn't pretend like he wasn't pissed at the abandonment.

"Louis." Harry sighed, taking a seat on the other side of the couch. "I'm still your friend."

"Didn't quiet feel like it these past two weeks."

Harry stayed quiet for what felt like a minute. "Was dealing with stuff..."

Louis pressed his lips together. "Yeah." He nodded softly, eyes on the TV. "Guess that makes two of us."

They both stayed quiet, staring at the wall in front of them with nothing else to be heard but the faint noise coming from the night outside. Louis didn't even know what to say.

Or better, where to start.

There was actually so much he wanted to say, but nothing was coherent. They were all a string of random thoughts, some connected, others not. His head was a mess at the moment, and he was beginning to regret coming here.

"I missed you."

The words coming out of Harry's mouth sounded so sincere, so delicate, lacing around Louis like a blanket to keep him warm. And keep him warm, it did.

It made him smile softly.

"And I didn't mean to ignore you. I wasn't. I was just... in my own head. Needed to be on my own. I'm sorry, okay? But I needed the space... I, um, felt..." He paused. "Like shit when I saw you with that girl. It actually felt like a slap to the face."

"Harry,"

"No, let me finish. I-I really like you. More than I should, and I get it, you don't swing that way. That was what I was trying to let sink in."

Louis sucked in a gulp of air. "Di-Did it work?"

Harry leaned back, shrugging softly. "I don't quite think so."

"Maybe..." Louis looked at Harry, hearing his heart beat loudly in his ears, almost obscuring anything else in the room. Louis' tongue was tying up in a tight knot, words clogging up in his throat and choking him up.

But that didn't stop him.

"I'm not what you think I am?" It came out as a question.

He could see Harry frown softly, eyes questioning, pouring deep into Louis'.

Louis' whole body was trembling at this point, pushing him to his breaking point, a lace he never wanted to reach again. It was too much.

"I can't do this." He was giving up. Liam was wrong, he wasn't strong enough. Louis didn't want to be laughed at and ridiculed, he didn't want to have all this fear bubbling inside of him. It was too much.

He shook his head, muttering, 'I can't's as he got up and walked to the door.

"Stop giving in, Louis. You never-You never try." Harry stood up from the couch, making Louis halt in his steps. His voice was rough, shaky. It sounded like what it did when tears were near. "Why do you always walk away? It doesn't solve problems, on the contrary, it makes everything worse. Why can't you just talk to me, Louis?"

The blue eyed boy whipped around.

"Because I'm scared!" Louis could feel all his walls crumbling around him, watched as it happened. "I'm fucking terrified because I have these feelings for you and–and I don't even know what they are. For weeks, all I did was suppress all of this, because for such a long time I thought it was wrong. That's all I knew about this, that's all I've been taught. That it's _wrong_. And no matter how hard I try, I can't shake that thought off. But I can't deny anymore that I just want you, Harry." Louis felt some hot tears fall, staining his cheeks, but he didn't wipe them away. Harry was seeing him in his most vulnerable state, and he wasn't going to stop it. "I'm tired of hiding it. I want you, all of you. I want to hold you, and protect you, care for you, I want to be the one you go to when you're hurting, I want to heal you... kiss you..." He wiped his nose on his sleeve, shaking his head. "I've never felt this way about anyone in my life, Harry–and I don't know if I'm gay, I really don't, but I do know that these feelings I have for you are real, they are so fucking real."

Louis panted, more tears brimming that he, for sure, didn't know how to keep at bay.

"Let yourself go." Harry whispered, Louis seeing his eyes wet.

"I don't know how." He whispered back.

Louis dug his finger nails into palm. All he wanted was a distraction. If Harry was going to reject him, he'd rather feel this.

"Like this."

Louis was ready ask what 'this' was, what he meant. There was no time to reply, though, because Louis had his whole breath knocked out of him in one quick move.

When he felt Harry's lips on his, he forgot how to move, how to breathe, how to think.

It was as if everything was forgotten about, as if nothing in the world mattered but this moment. It didn't feel real, as Louis felt Harry's thumb rub his cheek, and he rested his hands on Harry's chest. It felt surreal—It felt... euphoric. Like the euphoria he once felt a long time ago.

They were all rushing back to him, overwhelming him, but it felt so good.

The feeling of Harry's lips on his was everything he had dreamed of and more. Much more.

Louis wanted to capture this moment, and save it, so whenever he wanted, he could rewind back to this, the time he felt happier than he had in a while.

He wished he could stay like this forever, kiss Harry forever and never forget this bubbly feeling he had in his chest, and never forget how much he loved it.

Sadly, Harry had to pull away for some air.

(Honestly, did he need air that much?)

Just one look at him, into his eyes, made Louis burst into tears.

"Why are you crying?" Harry asked worriedly, Louis moving to rest his head on Harry's shoulder. He didn't want him to see him like this.

"I don't even know. How fucking embarrassing is that?" He chuckled wetly into Harry's neck, inhaling the scent he loved so much.

"If it wasn't clear, by the way," Harry paused, his arms sneaking around Louis' waist. "I feel the same."

"You do?" Louis squeaked, moving to look at Harry. He knew the boy already told him but he need affirmation. Wanted, _needed_ , to hear it again.

"Yes, silly." Harry giggled. The cute one that always made his heart melt, and flutter, burst like fireworks in the night sky. And it did this time, melting even more when Harry endearingly rubbed their noses together with a grin on his face Louis returned.

"What exactly happens now? We confessed, now what? I've never gotten this far with a guy before." Louis said.   
(He loved how easily he kissed back when Harry pecked his lips. He never wanted to stop.)

"Never? Well, lucky you, 'cause I have. It's real simple, five words that'll get you to drop your pants. You ready?" Harry rubbed Louis' hips, who was amused.

"I'll be quite disappointed if my pants don't drop. But, go on." He grinned.

"Will you be mine?"

Louis widened his eyes, but then he started giggling. (Louis Tomlinson was giggling) "You do know that's four words, right?"

"Okay, four words that'll get you to drop your pants." Harry rolled his eyes.

The smile Louis had on his face was so big, it almost hurt. It made his eyes crinkle by the sides, something that rarely happened lately.

"You're a dork. Such a dork." Louis continuously kissed Harry's cheek, loving every giggle and protest that came from the boy.

He was giggling so much, he tripped over Louis' feet and fell backwards, luckily falling on the couch behind him.

Louis fell with him, landing on top of the green eyed boy, both his hands pressed on the soft fabric of the couch on either end of Harry's head.

They were both blushing hard, shy smiles being thrown here and there.

"This dork is getting a little nervous, as you still haven't answered his question."

Louis laughed airly, shaking his head. "Of course it's a yes. I mean have you heard that terribly long speech. Man, that guy can weep." He shook his head, referring to himself as he talked about 'the guy'.

Harry shrugged. "I think what that guy did was brave, and sweet. I kinda wish I had it written somewhere so I could look at it whenever, and remember his words, memorize them." Harry ran his fingers through Louis' hair, the lad humming.

"If you don't remember, I can just recite it once more." The lad made a show of clearing his throat. "It would be a bit different, though, because now, I actually can do everything I've wanted to do for so long. Like, kiss you." He kissed him. "And hold you, and–admire you in your truest form." Louis sighed, rolling off Harry and tucking by his side.

Harry nuzzled his face into Louis' neck, which sort of tickled, but he didn't complain.

"You're so pretty, all over. Such a pretty princess." Louis smiled, closing his eyes as his hand went up and down Harry's back, even sneaking under his shirt to feel his soft skin.

Harry hummed in content.

"Absolutely gorgeous. You're so beautiful, Harry. It leaves me at loss of words. There's nothing I can use to perfectly describe how... you are." He bit his lip, fingers digging into the boys hair, and scratching at the scalp softly. "Because you're everything at once."

Then, it hit him.

"Fuck, yes, that's it.

You're everything at once."

\--

**a/n:**

**my babies. my little, cute, babies. be prepared for a lot more fluff.**

**question of the chapter:  
did you guys expect louis to tell harry, or did you think he'd never come to terms with his sexuality? (that's still quite unknown to him)**

**-g**


	18. The One Where He Was Whipped

Louis had been awake for some time now. Which was unusual. And he was content, and happy. Which was, also, very unusual.

He wasn't a morning person, never had been, but today seemed to be a big exception. The birds chirping outside of Harry's window, that would usually bug the hell out of him, were almost soothing, relaxing. It almost made him want to slide the curtains open, and pushed open the window just to hear them a little loudly.

Louis had been sprawled on the bed, staring at Harry who was still fast asleep on his chest.

He looked absolutely breathtaking, eyelashes neatly set on his pretty cheeks, soft puffs coming from his slightly open mouth. Even though Louis couldn't see his green eyes, he was still so, so beautiful whilst sleeping.

It made his heart hurt of longing, fingers brushing past his cheeks softly. He made sure not to wake him up, as his thumb gently brushed over his soft, pink lips. Why was everything about him so perfect? 

Louis was completely awed, because it was impossible.

No one could be so effortlessly magnificent, especially while sleeping. But Harry still seemed to do it so easily.

The boy slowly steered, mumbling soft, inaudible words for anyone as he frowned. Louis froze.

He didn't want Harry to find him here when he woke up, creepily watching him sleep. It would just show how whipped Louis already was, and that would be quite embarrassing.

Just as he thought, as Harry grumbled and rolled onto his back, he could feel the boy waking up, his body getting lighter as he yawned.

"Lou," Harry mumbled. His voice was deep, hoarse, coated in sleep and it made Louis smile.

"Hey, love." He whispered, lifting his head up to rest it on his hand, his elbow dug into his pillow. Well, Harry's, but it was on his side. "How'd you sleep?"

Harry hummed, smiling lazily at the boy next to him, and scooted closer. "Just fine. And you?"

Louis smiled. "Just fine as well."

"You woke up awfully early. Not pulling an Edward Cullen on me, I hope." Harry giggled a little.

"Was not." The older boy huffed. "Pfft, you think I'm that whipped."

"Aren't you, though? Shall I remind you of your speech-"

"Harold, don't use that against me." He pretended to scold him, narrowing his eyes at him.

Instead of taking it to heart, much with Louis' relief, Harry giggled and kissed his cheek, lips lingering for a few seconds before pulling away.

"I wanted to make you breakfast, you know. Until you woke up and ruined it all, God." Louis rolled his eyes, still having a big grin on his face 

Harry covered his mouth, sitting up a little. He had a look of shock plastered on his face, rendering Louis confused. "Louis Tomlinson? Cooking?"

Louis slumped back when he was glad it was nothing serious. 

Before he could protest, Harry was rolling onto him with a loud giggle. "You're so whipped." 

Louis blushed and nibbled on his lip, his hands resting on either one of Harry's hips, thumbing at the skin softly. "All I wanted to do was make food. For myself to be exact. Then, I thought I could feed you too, so."

"Yeah," Harry nodded, giving Louis a look that showed he was not convinced one bit. "Totally."

"I know your tickle spot, and if you don't shut that pretty mouth up right about now, I literally won't even hesitate." Louis shamelessly warned, laughing a little at the way Harry's mouth slacked open.

"Lou," He whined, hitting his chest like a five year old and pouting. "Don't do this to me. I snort when I get tickled." His bottom lip was jutted out, just taunting Louis.

Louis soon turned completely fond. "I know, oh my god, it's the cutest thing ever." He couldn't help the huge, huge grin on his face.

Harry frowned. "Okay, first of all, Mister, _I'm_ the cutest thing ever," He started, Louis agreeing. "And two, my laugh is so disgusting" He visibly cringed.

Louis shushed him, his lips pressed on Harry's nose softly. "Nothing about you is disgusting, princess. Absolutely nothing."

Louis loved the blush that rose on Harry's cheek, chuckling when he mumbled shyly.

"What was that?"

"Whipped." Harry repeated, chuckling after before he was running out the room.

Louis yelled that he'd get him, throwing the covers off him. He sighed blissfully, taking a minute to get up. He needed to register all this. Register the fact that he had Harry, and that this was all happening, 'cause it all stilled seemed surreal.

*

The chestnut haired lad stepped into the shop that day at around noon. There were a handful of customers sitting by the waiting seats, patiently waiting to have their names shouted.

Louis happily greeted the people, going around the counter. Lucky for him, Liam took his shift of the morning, giving him the liberty to come at noon for once. 

He didn't do much, since he woke up. He ate breakfast with Harry and had what was supposed to be a thirty minute nap with Harry, but turned into a two hour nap, (Could you blame him, though? Harry still had his pink shorts on, milky skin a perfect contrast. He couldn't resist cuddling the boy)

Saying Louis had a perfect morning would be an understatement.

Louis shoved his phone that he was holding into his back pocket, looking at the names on the clipboard. It wasn't Zayn's handwriting, so Louis guessed it was Liam's.

With a shrug, Louis made his way to the back and into Zayn's studio.

He just about started to ink up a girl's wrist, the loud sound of the buzz coming from the ink jet echoing around the room.

Louis couldn't tell what it was exactly from where he was standing in front of the door, considering it was upside down, and Louis' eyesight wasn't the best.

"Louis," Zayn smiled when he looked up for a second to look at him, then back at his art. "Today must be a good day."

Louis chuckled, leaning against the door frame. "Why do you say?"

"Well, for one, you're talking to me. And two, you're actually wearing different jeans."

The lad looked down at his blue jeans, shrugging his shoulders softly. 

"Things change, don't they?" He bit his lip. "Besides, I couldn't ignore you forever. I mean, who can I go to when I need a little," Louis gestured a blunt with his fingers to his mouth, Zayn laughing.

"Very true, very true." The lad replied, pulling away to look at his work. He redid the edges of it, the double infinity looking damn near perfect. It was a little cliché, Louis thought when he saw it, but to each their own.

"I've got quite a lot to tell you." Louis informed.

The girl was told by Zayn to go wait at the counter, Louis'll be there for her to pay in a minute. With a nod, she stood up and was out.

"Gossip. Juicy." Zayn wiggled his eyebrows, and laughed. "What is it?"

Louis taking a seat next to Zayn, on the spare chair laying around. He sat down with the chair facing the other way, while he faced Zayn. His arms leaned on the back of it.

He was ready to tell the news, hoping Zayn was as supportive as he said he was. 

But Louis knew he would be.


	19. The One Where He Was In His Bubble

"Okay, just because we all know about you guys, doesn't mean we're okay with you guys eating each others faces."

Louis and Harry pulled away from their small a kiss, their focus now on Niall, and the others.

"Leave them alone, it's a miracle they're even together." Zayn said as they walked the short distance to the other end of the parking lot.

They were on their way to a charity concert, and Louis wasn't much for those type of things. Usually, they'd have in artists he didn't even know, with music that were mediocre at best. But, now, Louis was actually content with the musical guests. He didn't know all of them, but a handful caught his eye. Some were bands and musicians he listened to back in high school, and some he even still listened to now.

Since the tickets were so cheap, Louis didn't see why he shouldn't go.

It gave him the time to breath in actual pure air, and not the trapped in his apartment room.

Although Louis absolutely loved watching the rom-com's Harry loved, (He watched more of them in a week, than he had his entire life. Admittedly, some did make him cry, but that was only for him to know) Louis also needed to get out.

He could be a lazy person sometimes, but staying in all day, every day just wasn't his cup of tea.

While he was at it, he bought tickets for the boys but as they walked to the reserved area the open concert was going to be in, hearing the boys bicker about his relationship, he probably realized how big of a mistake it was.

He turned to look back at Zayn sharply, squeezing Harry's hand that was in his. "What is that supposed to mean?" He did quite take offense, not even waiting for his friend to reply to turn around.

"All I'm saying," Zayn said from behind, walking side by side with Niall and Liam, while Harry and Louis led the way. "is that you guys wouldn't be a thing if it weren't for your lovely, faithful, loyal best friends."

Louis hissed, not looking back. "Slow down there, best friend might be an overstatement." He joked, chuckling when he heard three gasp from behind, all sounding as hurt as the other.

"What about all the cries we've shared?" Liam had the back of his hand on his forehead, like the actors in 1950's drama shows.

Niall grabbed Louis' shoulders from behind. "All the laughs we've shared?" He chimed in, just amusing his older friend.

"The nights we've shared?" Zayn finished, zig zagging into Louis' view. 

They were only a few seconds from the main front entrance, all the other sides being barricaded. It was a pretty wide area, Louis imagined the amount of people that'd be there and how stuffy it would be.

"Nights?" Harry quirked an eyebrow up, as he looked at Louis.

"You know I only have eyes for you." Louis smiled, making Harry kiss his cheek sweetly.

The five boys flashed their tickets at the guard, and were quickly let it. There were no seats, which meant the audience had to not only deal with overcrowding, but also people trying to push their way to the front.

Just by the look of it, few people were there, so that gave them the chance to wander around. The concert started at eleven at night anyway, and it was nine fifty.

The group was close to having silence, up until the trio at the back went at it again.

"I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold." 

They sang loudly, to Louis apparently, as they always looked at him and jumped in front of him just to explode into fits of singing.

Harry protectively wrapped his arms around Louis' shoulders, pulling him close to his chest. He pouted. "Why does everyone want my Louis? 

They all laughed.

"Not our fault he's so irresistible." Liam winked at the tanner boy, pinching his cheeks as they all made it to the little space there was left of the front, to the left, right where the stage ended. They all fit, though.

Harry scowled. "No touching." He narrowed his eyes at Liam, looking at the other lads. "Mine."

"Don't need to be so possessive, babe." Louis grinned at Harry, shaking his head.

"Yes, I sort of do. Or they'll all take you." Harry whined, tugging Louis even closer than he already was, his back on his chest.

Louis rolled his eyes, watching as the arena filled up. He heard Harry mumble something about hating large crowds. Then he turned back to Harry.

"Can you, like, crouch down a little. I kind of hate that I can't protect you, because of you being born with giant genes."

Harry shot Louis a lopsided grin, leaning his elbows on the concert bars, facing Louis. "Would it boost your ego if I did?" 

Louis huffed, crossing his arms. The other lads had their attention on finding booze, which gave Louis time to breath. He felt like their baby sitter.

"Literally everyone here is so mean to me, honestly might as well just go back home." He was starting to walk away, but before he even took a step, Harry was pulling him towards him, back on chest.

"I wouldn't say _literally_ everyone here." Harry smirked, feeling like a smart ass but he only got his chest smacked.  
"Aw, little Lou is pouting. Don't pout, Lou-Lou, show me that sweet smile."

"Okay, Lou is classic, Loubear is cute, but I draw the line on 'Lou-Lou'. Please don't ever use that ever again." Louis cringed. "Anyway, we need to sort this out. Plan, assign positions to dumb, dumb, and dumber," He gestured to the rest, who were already off to get some beer. "Use tactics, be smart.".

"Lou, what're you talking about?" Harry said, in which Louis groaned.

"Get with the program!" He slapped the back of his four fingers on his other palm a few times. "Protecting you, of course. These people are crazy, and will do anything to get to the front, even it means clawing you back. Now, look, I can fight them off, but I don't know how well."

Louis was being completely serious, but the grin on Harry's face showed he wasn't taking it as such.

"You're adorable." He murmured, fondly smiling at Louis, who, again, groaned.

"Hazzz, I need you to focus."

Harry feigned seriousness, as he pressed his lips together. "Focus." Harry echoed.

"Get your head in the game." 

"Do we need basketballs for this part?" Harry joked, getting back to his fake-serious when he saw the look his boyfriend gave him. "Okay, okay, head in the game."

"Hm," Louis hummed in thought. "I think you should turn around," He turned Harry around. "And, honestly, anyone who dares to touch you will get a punch."

"Who's the possessive one now?" 

But Louis didn't reply, getting on his toes to rest his chin on Harry's shoulder, while his arms wrapped around his waist. It wasn't comfortable to be on his toes for three hours, but he'd try. 

"I like this position." Harry claimed, Louis about to ask why when the lad shook his bum backwards. Louis gasped, almost choking on his own saliva as he held onto Harry's hips to make him stop. 

His whole face was red, but lucky him, the dim lights surrounding them made it hard to see much. 

"Haz, God." He said when Harry did it again, groaning under his breath.

"What?" He looked back at Louis innocently, voice dripping sweet. He knew what he was pulling, and he wasn't falling for it. Well, not entirely.

"You know exactly what. D-Don't do that, you little–"

"Oh, I haven't done anything," Harry fluttered his eyelashes. He turned around in Louis' arms, the boys breath hitching.

"Stop being so horny. Lord." Louis palmed at his hot face, puffing his cheeks. "Is it just me or is it hot in here." He puffed his cheeks again, fanning his face with his hand.

Louis didn't even know how to react, or feel, or answer. He was at a loss for words. 

He didn't know if he was ready for that part of the relationship.

He was too new to this, felt like a rookie. Which, thinking about it again, was ridiculous but it was true. He felt like the first time he had a girlfriend, awkward. 

He didn't know what the do's and don't's were or how things were done—What was Louis saying? Being in a same sex relationship couldn't be that much different from a straight one. At least, he hoped so.

But then again, him and first girlfriend lasted half week so he probably shouldn't base him and Harry to that.

Louis was scared he'd take too late to fully be able to be ready for their first time, (Or times) and Harry would be gone just as soon as he came. That mere thought made Louis uneasy.

He sighed. 

"What're you thinking about?" Harry hummed, his arms around Louis' neck.

It was enough to get him back to earth, blinking a few times at Harry, then shrugging. He simply shook his head. "No nothing. Just thinking when the fuck the lad's are gonna come back with the drinks."

Harry shrugged. "Maybe they got lost? It's getting real full, real fast." He said, looking around the once empty arena, having doubled in people in the last forty minutes.

"Speaking of the devils. Where were you guys?" Louis frowned, taking the plastic cup of beer he was offered by Liam.

"These people are crazy." Niall was panting, his T-shirt looking a bit frizzled.

They all were panting.

Louis pointedly looked at Harry, because of course, he was right, then back to the Niall.

"We were looking for some drinks, as you do at a concert," Harry and Louis nodded. "And two blokes this big tried to fight me." He gestured to his waist. "Just because we cut the line that wasn't even there."

"Must be pretty embarrassing for you, Ni. If they're yay big, as you say, why do you look so frazzled." He took a long, loud sip of his beer.

Zayn snorted, but patted Niall's back. "Don't be mean to Ni, he didn't see them coming. They were like rats."

"We didn't even fight." Niall drank, rolling his eyes.

"I mean, they hit you pretty hard." Liam interjected.

Louis laughed. "So, really, _you_ didn't fight. Be clearer." 

The blond huffed at being laughed at, his friends telling him they were only joking to comfort him.

Soon, the lights went, leaving the audience in total darkness. Louis could hear murmuring all around him, all excited for the sole reason he was here. Louis liked that. How music could literally bring in thousands, to millions, to even billions of people. That unity was what he loved about concerts.

All the murmuring, and whispering, and chattering screeched to a halt, though, when approximately thirty seconds later, the stage lights lit up, showering the whole arena with bright, colorful lights.

The crowd roared.

Nobody was on stage yet, but he knew the show was about to start. Only twenty minutes to eleven.

"Stay in my arms, alright?" Louis whispered in Harry's ear over the crowd, hoping he heard him okay.

The boy turned back around, leaning into Louis' back as he hummed. He nodded okay, moving just a little to kiss Louis' cheek.

"That's not right." Louis frowned, then so did Harry.

It took him a couple of seconds to get it, but he finally leaned in to peck Louis' lips softly.

Louis hummed in content, and got back on his toes. 

As the first act got onto the stage, Louis having Harry—his Harry in his arms, he couldn't get rid of the blissfulness he was in, surrounding him like a bubble of protection.

And he never wanted to leave the bubble.


	20. The One With The Blast From The Past

Louis walked out the shop, into the streets of London. It had just rained an hour ago, so the sidewalks, and windows were still wet, making him even more cautious as he took slow steps, scared he'd slip.

Even after the rain, the sky was still pretty. All the dark clouds moved onto other regions, the white ones replacing them along with the blue sky. Louis loved rain, the soft breeze that blew by after it that was chilling, the sound of the water hitting the pavement and bouncing off, but the change of weather elevated his mood.

Louis just finished his shift. He'd close up but Zayn was in there taking care of a few last things, and promised to not forget to lock up.

When he turned, Harry was standing by the wall, grinning widely at him.

"Hey, pretty boy, what brings you in these corners?" Louis smirked, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he looked at Harry.

"Depends who's asking." He played along, raising an eyebrow. "But does flirting with lads on the street really work?"

Louis laughed. "It did with you, didn't it?" Louis noticed the pink shade Harry's lips were. They had always been pink, but whatever he was wearing was darker. Maybe lipstick? Louis wasn't sure.

Harry rolled his eyes as they started to walk. "You didn't really flirt with me when we first met. You," He hummed, cutting himself off and shaking his head.

Of course Harry remembered that day, and Louis did too.

Then all the memories of the time's he had been absolutely horrible to Harry came flooding back, crashing him down and almost drowning him.

All of a sudden, guilt overtook him.

"Yeah," He licked over his dry lips. It took a moment before Louis was saying, "I'm sorry."

Harry looked at him.

"About everything, you know. It seems like I've been a dick to everyone in the past." He shrugged, digging his fingers into his pocket.

Harry gave him a reassuring smile, reaching for his hand to hold. Louis immediately relaxed.

"Hey, like you said, that was in the past. It doesn't matter now, you've changed."

"But, I hurt you-"

Harry kissed him to quiet him. It was short, but it sufficed, completely relaxing Louis so he wasn't as tense as he was.

Harry had that power, to rid him of all his worries in a blink of an eye, and Louis still wondered how, sometimes.

"That was old Louis, now this is new Louis. We can forget about that guy because all that matters is now, who you are now. And, I don't know about you, but I think you're a gosh darn good person."

Louis smiled. "Did you just say 'gosh darn'?"

"I know, it just slipped out. Let's ignore that." He chuckled, pulling Louis' hand up to his lips to plant a soft kiss there. "Plus, remember, I had such a huge crush on you then."

"I know." He said, crossing the street with Harry until they were on the other side.

"You knew?"

"Harry, the Queen knew. You weren't exactly subtle." Louis chuckled, Harry blushed. "It's endearing, though, looking back at it now. So cute, you were, Haz." Then he saw the look he gave him. "But not as cute as you are, now." He quickly recovered, kissing his cheek.

Louis admired him for a minute. "You look good, by the way. The lipstick."

Harry blushed, touching softly at his lips that turned into a smile. "You noticed." He murmured, pulling his hand away.

"Of course." Louis smiled, swinging their arms a little. "And you look breathtaking."

*

"You have so much stuff here."

Harry dumped all the contents of the last shoebox onto the floor of Louis' bedroom.

Louis watched, handing Harry his mug of tea and taking a seat on the ground in front of him with his own.

"Yeah, Mum made me take all the boxes with me. 'In case you forgot where you belong' Is what she told me. Not before crying, of course." He chuckled, taking a sip.

All of Louis' childhood memories were in front of them, laid out in a messy pile, scattered.

Some were from highschool, some middle school, others family pictures.

"Ugh, I was so ugly back then." He groaned, picking up some of the pictures.

"Aw! Look at little Lou with your Halloween costume! Oh my god, you're adorable." Harry cooed loudly, turning the picture around for Louis to see.

He was about seven in it, wearing a devil costume that he had to beg his parents to get. He didn't remember much of that year, but this day was vivid. Louis remembered he wasn't even going to go trick or treating. He was new to the neighborhood, and his Mum told him they didn't know it enough for him to wander around it. It took crying, and begging, but she finally agreed—as long as he didn't go too far from the house. He made quite a few friends that day.

"Who's this?" Harry asked as he looked at a picture, finally turning it to show Louis.

He almost gasped.

Louis took the photograph he hadn't looked at in ages, chewing on his cheek as he looked at his friend and him. They looked so happy, standing by some door, with huge smiles on their faces. Louis had his arm over him, and his friend's arm over his own.

"Was he a friend?" Harry questioned, sipping his tea.

"Stan was... my favorite person." He smiled. "You know when you're a teenager, everyone does things for their own good, but he wasn't like that. He was kind, especially to me. I acted like the class clown, but he knew that wasn't me." Louis sighed softly. "He probably was more than a friend."

That caused Harry to frown. "What do you mean?"

"I, uh, liked him." He finally admitted, putting the picture down and looked at Harry instead. "And he liked me. But everyone at school didn't like that." He took in a shaky breath. "Had to move schools because it was so bad. I still regret it now because I left him all alone to deal with them."

They remained quiet after Louis was done, both sipping their tea silently.

Harry got up, and for a second, Louis thought he was going to leave the room but he was proven wrong when the younger boy plopped down next to him, cup left where he was.

Harry whispered a soft, 'I'm sorry', kissing Louis' cheek, and making the boy sigh. Louis hadn't really realized how shaky his entire body felt, until he looked down. His feet and fingers were twitching and his thighs and hips were trembling slightly. He knew why—he was still withholding stuff from Harry and he was also holding back emotions. Holding back things he would never let himself feel again, or show.

They'd just crossed over the whole friendship barrier, Louis couldn't let Harry see him too upset. He didn't want to be keeping things from the boy, because he didn't want to harbor feelings that would later erupt, but for the time being, he had to.

Louis turned his body a little to be able to scoot closer to Harry. He looked into his eyes, finding a lot of comfort just from how soft Harry's eyes were. There was zero judgement and, honestly, he wasn't even surprised because just as he thought, Harry was, and he thought would always be, very understanding.

It made his heart lighter, if that even made the slightest of sense.

"Hey, look at this." Harry spoke up, reaching for something. It was obvious he was trying to change the subject, but Louis was actually glad.

The boy turned his head and looked at the papers Harry held, flipping through them. They were some of the few things Louis drew in his free time, some rushed, most finished to what he thought was near perfection.

"They're so good." Harry told him, tracing his fingers down the art.

"It's not much. I could've made it better." He took one of them, smiling.

"My little Lou is an artist. How come I never knew of this hidden talent? Van Gogh, who?"

Louis blushed and waved him off. "Shush up, I'm not anywhere near Van Gogh's level." He said, putting them away.

They spent an hour looking through all of it, Louis explaining every story behind the picture if he remembered.

"You're gonna have to let me keep one of those pictures." Harry said when they were on the bed, pictures neatly put back in the shoe boxes and back into the closet. (Thanks to Harry, of course)

"So you can creepily stare at my younger self?" Louis scoffed. "No thanks, I already have God watching over me."

"Can you blame me? You were adorable." Harry smiled, his head on Louis' chest.

"I'll give you the Halloween one." Louis looked at him, kissing his forehead. "But, not fair, I don't get to see you in all your childhood glory."

"Honey, you can see me in all _this_ glory." Harry gestured to himself, then laughed. "But, don't worry, in due time."

"I'll keep all of them, just a warning."

"And you call me a creep."


End file.
